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I keep seeing advice on how to hand out candy for Halloween in a socially distant way and, like, you can't.
You cannot do this thing.
You cannot do this thing.
I've been trying to observe Halloween for years as (a) a disabled person (b) with 4-5 cats.
Here's what I've learned.
Here's what I've learned.
1. You can't put candy out in a bowl and tell kids to responsibly take some. The first year I tried that, some kids rode up on bikes, dumped the entire bowl into a backpack, and sped off. I was clearly not their first house, either.
I'm not mad, I'm just relating the facts.
I'm not mad, I'm just relating the facts.
2. Kids will crowd your door. They will crowd each other. They will spill into your house, unaware that they are crossing an invisible boundary. They will say OOH YOU HAVE A KITTY and walk right into your living room.
You will not be able to stay 6 feet back.
You will not be able to stay 6 feet back.
3. Parents are skittish about Halloween and travel in packs. They will not stay 6 feet apart either. They will stay 2 feet apart and think it's six feet because humans are very bad at this.
4. You think you will set up a clever pulley-&-chute mechanism but you almost certainly won't because that sort of thing is a bitch to assemble, especially when the parts are "some indoors, some outdoors".
And if you keep the candy outside, it will melt and harden into a globe.
And if you keep the candy outside, it will melt and harden into a globe.
5. "Masks are standard on Halloween already!"
A. No, they're not. Disney Princesses are not wearing masks.
B. Plastic masks have breathing holes, and are therefore useless at stopping covid from breathing all over the candy.
C. They will breathe ON THE CANDY.
A. No, they're not. Disney Princesses are not wearing masks.
B. Plastic masks have breathing holes, and are therefore useless at stopping covid from breathing all over the candy.
C. They will breathe ON THE CANDY.
Like. You do you and if you just have to do Halloween then I can't stop you, but people can at least stop pretending that a plastic mask from Walmart with massive breathing holes makes it "safer" somehow.
My parents offer a bowl of candy to kids so they can "pick what you want!" and kids are gonna breathe germs all over that candy and god help us all.
Here is a genuinely good idea if you can afford it: drive your kids to see decorations and give them candy you got yourself. https://twitter.com/itokro/status/1309891213164716035
