What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Liberal Throne Speech addresses four foundations: fighting the pandemic, supporting people and business, building Canada back better, and standing up for Canadian values. Kenney outraged there's no specific mention of W. Brett Wilson.

2. At least 15 people contract COVID as a result of O'Toole's campaign visit to Montreal. O'Toole changes party slogan to "I'm taking back COVID. Are you with me?"
3. Ford "junior staffer" tests positive. Doug says staffer grounded for a week and lost their Tweeter privileges.

4. In cheeky video, O'Toole says only thing harder than being in the military is being on Twitter. Proof positive he's never watched a teleprompter speech by Doug Ford.
5. In effort to slow second COVID surge, Ford and Elliott release Fall Pandemic Plan on 27 cocktail napkins.

6. Ethics Commish finds CPC's claim of Telford/insider hiring unfounded. Poilievre waves fist angrily at his spy drone fleet hovering above Telford's house.
7. Anti-racism rally violently disrupted by a bunch of white guys. Red Deer RCMP say there were good people on both sides.

8. Singh accosted by known right wing radical during walk in downtown Ottawa. Red Deer RCMP say there were good people on both sides.
9. Kenney tweets about violence erupting at Red Deer anti-racism rally saying he's disappointed; racist views should be shared without fisticuffs.

10. Bergen says Speech talks too much about spending federal tax dollars, not enough about making huge transfers to Conservative premiers to pretend to spend on healthcare.
11. Poilievre says CPC cares more about people than Liberals. Freeland mops up Pierre's tears using Pierre.

12. Three busses used to transport 9 MPs to Speech. Lecce takes selfie in front of busses, says he's thrilled to be visiting unnamed public school.
13. Doug says "roburst fall pandemic plan to be released in bits and pieces so yous not-so-smartified Ontarians can understoods."

14. Singh says NDP will support minority Liberal government if Liberals agree to provide 10 paid sick days for all Canadians. Doug Ford sobs quietly.
15. Kenney says Throne Speech references to intersectional equality just "kooky" Laurentian Elite way of saying Libs hate O&G.

16. More than six months into the pandemic, entire Ford caucus update their social media avatars to show image of them wearing masks. That's it. That's the funny part.
17. Speculation about *where* COVID's being spread most finally addressed with supporting data. It's the CPC.

18. When asked if he'll leave the White House peacefully if he loses the election, Trump says, "We'll have to wait and see." Melania starts extensive interior design update of White House bunker.
19. Trump says Abraham Lincoln was one Hispanic who is definitely voting for Trump.

20. Kenney says people in India tired of running their cars on cow dung - want Alberta's oil. Or at least Alberta's Grade A, ethically-sourced cow dung.
21. Matt Wolf googles "dung": Confirms it's not a foreign leader.
22. Alberta announces "We's moving at the speed of bizness!"

23. Seems we're not going to the federal polls this year. Means we have 90 solid days to focus on perfecting our Zoom carolling.
24. Fall colours. See? Not everything's awful, right?
25. Doug announces Ontario bars now to close at midnight. Problem solved.