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STORYTIME: from late 2016 to about a week ago i wanted to be apostolic pentecostal. i wanted to sing in the choir, go on mission trips, and attend as many youth events (and not just youth events) as i could.
i even wanted to go to a pentecostal college a bit more than arts colleges. i loved theatre, but i felt like being in the IBC choir mattered more to me. the only reasons i couldn& #39;t attend that college we& #39;re that i was neither straight nor apostolic pentecostal.
i felt so guilty for wearing makeup, pants, shorts, & tank tops, and the fact i got my hair trimmed, as well as listening to certain types of music and not being straight. i felt as if i did so many bad things by doing that.
every time nayc and the nayc talent search happened i would cry because i wasn& #39;t apostolic and therefore couldn& #39;t participate in the talent search. and i would also cry because i couldn& #39;t attend nayc.
many people at the church i BEGGED to attend had blocked me because i had already come out. i felt as if i didn& #39;t belong and i would cry for hours on end.
flash forward a few years later, i watched a lot of testimonies from ex-pentecostals and i felt so much better about myself. i don& #39;t want to be surrounded by a toxic environment.
oh and btw tonight i got a sponsored ad from the pentecostal college i previously mentioned and it was on my instagram feed. so many bad memories related to the time i wanted to apply for that college came to mind. the songs came to mind. i can& #39;t get them out of my mind.
(this thread about leaving the pentecostal mindset wasn& #39;t meant to talk shit about pentecostal people btw)
