Next up: "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies. ST was always a bit too punk rock for me to get really into, but this song (and its video) are straight-up classics. Doesn't sound like it's almost 40 (!) years old, sticks out like a sore thumb on this show.

Now playing: "Holy Diver" by Dio. The greatest voice in heavy metal history. His signature song. The video looks like a Dungeons & Dragons commercial. Viv Campbell shreds his face off. Shit like this is why I am the way I am. JUMP ON THE

Next up: "Heading Out to the Highway" by Judas Priest. Not my favorite Priest single but certainly not my least favorite ("Turbo Lover"). Video is a slice of low-fi early-80s goofiness. Priest TRULY invented metal and Glenn Tipton is a god. Can't be fucked with.

Now playing: "Madhouse" by Anthrax. I'm fucking headbanging. I love this song, this band, this video, and this era of American metal. My old band opened direct support for them in '05 for the FIRST SHOW back with Joey and it's one of the most insane things I've ever done.

They soundchecked with "Medusa" that afternoon and we were just losing our fucking minds listening to Joey ripping through that one.

Back to the hair metal, "Lay it Down" by Ratt. Really not a terrible song. Ratt's production always sounded big, if you could get past Stephen Pearcy's ridiculous look and weak vocals. Warren DeMartini was one of the best lead guitarists in this scene, tasteful and super clean.

Speaking of hair metal, Y & T's "Summertime Girls" is next. The video is like 80s sex comedy irreverence. The song is what "heavy metal" sounds like in movies and TV shows. This is a decent beer commercial and a music video not bad enough to be so bad it's good.

Now playing: the "Crazy Train" video from Tribute. No one alive needs to ever hear this song again. This was Ozzy's short-but-permed hair and super bloated phase. RIP Randy, you deserved to transcend this.

Back from commercial and it's apparently time for more Cinderella? "Nobody's Fool" this time, the big power ballad from Night Songs. The costuming in this video has to be seen to be believed. Cinderella was really just a good-ass rock band though, despite the wardrobe choices.

Hair metal still going strong, Dokken finally showed up, "The Hunter." Video is an angry mob trying to kill... Jeff Pilson? Some kind of PMRC commentary? Don has bangs and is wearing a blazer. George Lynch is a fucking madman though, like DeMartini without the pesky taste.

More hair metal but it's "18 and Life" by Skid fucking Row. They had it all. Snake and Scotti could both shred, Rachel had the songs, Baz had the look and the pipes, and 4/5s of 'em were from Jersey. Incredible song, possibly even better video chronicling the tragedy of Ricky.

SKIDS FOREVER

Next up: "Welcome to My Nightmare" by Alice. Not metal, although possibly mayhem? I can't get down with vintage Alice. It's like "spooky" cabaret. I like some of the more metally late 80s/early 90s shit he did but... yeah.

Now playing: "Objection Overruled" by Exodus! I love Zetro's sneering vocals. Gary Holt is a goddamn legend. I've never seen this video before. It's exactly what it should look like. Exodus is underrated as hell and I like Impact is Imminent even if they don't.

I saw them on the Tempo of the Damned tour, reunited with Zetro, at a dive in West Chester, PA. They tore the fucking house down. I did not see Bam Margera, however.

Wowwwww "Hangar 18" by Megadeth! Rust in Peace turned THIRTY yesterday! Great song on one of my favorite albums of all time. The video is like if Fire in the Sky was actually scary. Mustaine/Friedman the sickest guitar combo in the history of metal.

I was obsessed with Megadeth in my teens. They will always be my favorite of the Big Four. They wrote and played shit the other 3 frankly didn't have the musicianship for. Sad that Mustaine aged into a complete chode/parody of himself but the music speaks for itself.

Back from commercial, straight into "Cowboys From Hell" by the mighty Pantera. This shit erupted like a force of nature in the early 90s. They literally saved metal in my opinion. CFH is a little dated but as they matured they produced shit that's still ahead of its time.

My band covered "I'm Broken" for a split 7" and I recorded the guitar parts, including the solo, on a $200 piece of shit BC Rich Ironbird with a FIXED BRIDGE because I was an idiot, although I'm still pretty proud of it.

Anyway, I still love Pantera, they were gods, and they influenced all the shit I wanted to write and play. Dime's murder was tragic and Vinnie died way too young. Rest in Power.

Okay, yet another W.A.S.P. video, "I Wanna Be Somebody." Better song, worse Blackie wardrobe. I think these dudes were just desperate to be "Edgier Crüe." Low bar, which they barely cleared.

Now playing: Iron Maiden "Run to the Hills." The video is an outdated mess. Obviously one of the all-time classic Maiden songs though. How was young Bruce Dickinson not the biggest rock star on the planet? Was it just the name/logo/artwork?

Anyway, Maiden is an absolutely foundational metal band and literal entire subgenres cease to exist without them.

Next up, "So Tired," Ozzy's ballad from Bark at the Moon, also an apt description of my tolerance for Ozzy videos (and ballads). In the video Ozzy looks like absolute shit, yet is not the Quasimodo-esque character somehow? Jake E. Lee busts a nice solo but doesn't appear.

Okay we're right back to Maiden? "Flight of Icarus," which I'm not sure I realized there was a video for. Studio performance mixed with location shots of the Icarus character, all awash in cheap 80s VFX. Every mid-tempo power metal song ever written wishes it was this one.

Back from commercial, more Def Lep, "Rocket" this time. Better video, worse song. Still not metal, although mayhem has since occurred as the band now has 9 arms, and 2 of them still belong to Steve Clarke. I do not understand how this band got as big as they got.

Next up: Krokus' "Eat the Rich." While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't understand why they're making me watch another Krokus video. This one has a weird caveman aesthetic? If this was a musical interlude in a Golan-Globus martial arts movie, it'd be the least of your worries.

Yet another repeat artist but at least it's fucking DIO! "Rainbow in the Dark," one of my personal favorites, just a killer tune. Weird ass video. Ronnie's wearing white patent leather boots with black fur trim and a black leather vest with no shirt. He looks like a goblin.

Also Viv Campbell's annihilates the solo. He quit Dio to go play in Def Lep, so I guess RJD must have really been as shitty of a boss as he was accused of. Motherfucker had the pipes though!

Another Ratt video, "Round and Round" this time, the quintessential Ratt song. Why is Milton Berle in this video? The dual harmony lead guitar is pretty damn great for a pop song, but the lack of variety the last half hour is getting to me.

Careful what I wish for apparently? Ace Frehley "Into the Night." Incredibly uninspired. The hook is okay. Ace's voice is terrible. The solo is decent but unremarkable. The video is typical "wandering around L.A." Is that Brian Bosworth?

Alright I was gonna go until midnight but I can't take another Ozzy ballad ("Mama I'm Coming Home"). Cool fretless bass parts I guess. I would say Zakk's pinch harmonics are gratuitous but I can't bring myself to believe that.

Well, that was fun, and appears to have only cost me 2 followers (so far)! I love this goofy shit even more than I love games, so thanks for indulging me while I nerded out on it for a while.