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Not that anyone cares or anything, but kinda feeling some type of way bc me & my mom was talkin, like normal, today & she talks abt shows she watches on Netflix. And is like, but you don’t even watch them (jokingly cuz I really only watch anime or YouTube now).
And then somehow gets into talkin abt iconic older black shows, the ones black ppl, usually know abt (& she jokes abt how I don’t watch them & is saying “omg you hate ur own culture” & she’s done this before but Ik she’s joking). And then she says it again
But then she told me, “oh yeah I know I said I was joking before, but I kinda feel like you don’t like ur culture” & so I’m giving her a 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤨" title="Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue"> look (like I normally did when she would joke around abt it) & she’s like you don’t even choose to watch any old black historical shows
Except for like 2, which I told her I liked, but she seemed genuinely concerned. And was like “I bet you could name 10 different anime, but not 5 well known black shows” & like I’m feeling some type of way. (This happened like a hour or 2 ago).
But srsly I’m feeling some type of way, like I never said I hated my culture (black culture) & I literally have black friends. And it kinda does hurt more, now thinking on it bc I don’t “act” like the typical black girl. Like I feel that way & I know I don’t.
(I’m black & white & so is my mom, but she is more lightskin & im brownskin). I’ve always felt uncomfortable about not being “black enough” as I got older & noticed it. I mean I noticed some black girls don’t “act” like the “typical” black girl, but I still felt weird abt it.
Like I can be ghetto or whatever, but I’m not like that all the time. When I was younger I was embarrassed to say I liked the color pink & would lie & say I liked any other color. BC I felt like liking pink was a “white girl” thing.
As I got older I’ve became more comfortable abt that. I felt uncomfortable for a while liking anime & kpop BC I thought ppl would think I’m weird. (I’m more open abt it since quarantine on social media though). I thought abt wearing pink hair or having some pink braids BC I
Like pink, but I’m too scared to do it bc I feel like I will be judged & criticized for it (especially around my black family & friends). Also, a reason why I’m going natural, bc apparently my hair was permed (for black ppl that means it’s not in our natural state).
And I myself, thought it was normal until last year I learned more abt having natural hair, that’s why I’m trying to go natural, so I can feel & look more “black”. (Don’t worry guys I want to have my natural curly hair, I haven’t had it since I was a baby so I’m interested)
I still feel I’m “too black” for non black ppl & “too weird” for black ppl. I just don’t feel like I can fit with anybody & sometimes I’ll act the opposite way with certain races, so I can be accepted. I grew up listening to black music, however I didn’t really grow
Up on black shows & it’s not that I don’t want to watch it...it’s just since I haven’t grown up on it, I don’t feel like watching it. I grown up on anime (since 4th grade I’m in 11th now) not black shows like that. But anyways end of thread/rant & Ik nobody is gonna read this
So I might go cry now...https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Nachdenkliches Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Nachdenkliches Gesicht">
