As a friend I bring two things:
- poor communication
- excellent life experiences

Turned up to my first shift at Starbucks fresh from getting a tetanus shot because I partially fell through the floor/ceiling of an abandoned gala bingo that was next door to that Starbucks

Had whiplash for Christmas after a terrible one night stand, and then got whiplash for Christmas AGAIN the next year from a car crash

I used to breakdance

When I was a very very small child in Italy we temporarily lived in a gated community full of diplomats etc with its own private security and my favourite game was to press the panic alarm because it would make “ninjas” appear in the garden

I hate this whole story but. I was friends with a girl who was a contestant on Britain’s Next Top Model, we went to a club one night (Dstrkt) , I had an on-a-whim one night stand with a guy and then found out in the morning he was from “Made in Chelsea” and it’s my truest shame

You may think these are too odd to be true but you’d lose your minds at the stories my parents have. Including them dropping me and my siblings off at our aunts so they could nip to Germany to watch the Berlin wall come down

I CAN ADD TO THIS: the pedo who kicked me out also claimed that he’d invented a form of martial arts that combined all types of martial arts and thus had no weaknesses and yes before you ask he was white