um, so.
i wanna talk about this weird relationship I have with friendship.

A thread

hi, I'm saturn, in case you're new here. like the planet.
im really good at making friends, i think. obviously im biased, you'd have to ask other people.
but, im not good at letting friends back in after any kind of disappointment.

every person im friends with right now, im hardly even friends with, because we've fallen out or had some kind of disagreement. its made me feel so lonely these last few weeks.

and it's totally my fault. i pull away too often. i don't know why i do it. but i do know it's messed up. And to the people who feel like I'm pulling away from them (you don't need to respond to this, you know yourself and our relationship) im really sorry.

i really wish i could give you an explanation. i think it's that i feel like there's no coming back. like, i had such high hopes for our friendship, and now that it's over, there's no fixing it anymore. like, it won't ever be the same, ever again, and i hate that.

i know it almost makes it seem like i have one foot out of the door, kinda like im expecting it to turn shitty so i can leave. but it isn't like that, i promise. i also know im not allowed to tell you you don't feel that way, you have every right. but, i hope you don't.

also, im sorry if ive been sad lately. after the last argument i had with someone, ive been feeling a little lonely. im finding myself actually crying at this thread, because i just want my friends back. and i ruined it.

but um, to my friends, or ex friends, or past friends.
i hope you guys understand, and want to still be friends moving forward. the only thing i can do now is hope you're willing to work with me. thanks for reading.