Having mostly friends from the other side of the world makes nights super lonesome. They& #39;re all asleep by now and I just sit here letting my mind fill with anxieties and just bottled up misery. They& #39;re a good distraction from so much pain that when they& #39;re not here, I crumble.
Sorry for the sad tweet, I& #39;m just feeling extra down tonight. I feel everyone can relate in some way though, we have all felt like this at least once or twice.
I think I really have to start working on myself though. I rely on other people too much for happiness that when I& #39;m alone, I& #39;m at my absolute worst mentally. That& #39;s not good. At all.
Being happy during this time in the world is hard but always put yourself first if you possibly can. I find I never really do that. I& #39;m always pressuring myself to never stop working, drawing, studying etc that when I stop, I discipline myself when I really shouldn& #39;t.
I want to be better, I want to be the best I can possibly be so when I take breaks or relax, my mind attacks me, telling me I& #39;m doing something wrong. Not only does this increase my stress but it also leads me down a dark road. I just can& #39;t relax. I can& #39;t take a break.
I guess when I& #39;m with friends they help me see past this. They help me forget everything and the calm my anxieties. They allow me to have a break. They tell me it& #39;s ok to just play games, to laugh, to cry... It& #39;s my escape. It& #39;s my happiness.
In saying that, I need to be happy without them. I need to work on myself to not rely on them. I need to rely on myself. I& #39;ve never been able to, I& #39;ve never seen myself as good enough. But, I& #39;m going to try harder. This pain is just getting a little too much for me.
I need to learn to love myself again. I need to learn rely on myself. I need to learn that being alone is ok, that I am ok. I am living and breathing right now, the main person I need right now in my life is me, and if I can& #39;t rely on her then I& #39;ve failed.
I needed to get that off my chest. I& #39;m a goose and get all sad sometimes-- especially when I& #39;m at my loneliest. Doesn& #39;t help I have problems with reaching out to people too due my anxiety. But I& #39;m ok and that& #39;s what matters right now!
If anyone gets anything from this disaster of a thread, just know that you& #39;re amazing, you have to believe in yourself, rely on yourself more and love yourself!

Once you hit rock bottom, the only direction you can go is up!
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