Brian and Audrey have arrived. Off loading car now, first thing we spotted, copious boxes of PG Tips T bags and Tesco lavatory paper. Wife and dog watching from kitchen window and providing updates.

Also being offloaded:

Tartan blankets
Nordic walking sticks
A large ham
A dog's basket (but no dog)
A case of Mateus Rosé
One cardboard box inscribed "Ian's gloves"
A pick-nick basket
One large Golf umbrella
Another ham
Three lime green suitcases
A garden gnome
Roller Blades

I was working but I heard Audrey from my study,

"Cooee dear, how are you?" My wife replied.

"Je vais très bien. Comment puis-je vous aider?

"O we don't speak any French dear. You will need to speak English with us - make an effort, we will help you with it"

My daughter who had just returned home overheard this and intervened,

"My mother does not speak English, only French". This clearly baffled Audrey,

"Well that must be difficult in everyday life" My daughter let her down gently,

"Not if one lives in France"

Brian arrived at my door, waving a bottle of the aforementioned Mateus Rosé
"Hello old boy, peace offering. Got some glasses ?"
I declined, saying I was working

"No probs, we'll be in the garden, just give us a shout" he said in retreat, his red trousers clashing with my roses

Wife giving a commentary on Brian and Audrey. Seems they have put out deck chairs, have got changed and are now sharing a bottle of wine plus sausage rolls in their garden.

I should say that it's 14 degrees and there is a slight rain shower however they are clearly 'on holiday'

It is very hard to write a chapter on Septimius Severus role at the Battle of Lugdunum and his relationship with Caracalla when I have wife and daughter in the kitchen both using binoculars and screeching with laughter.

Brian and Audrey are now putting on their roller blades.

Even for a writer like me it is difficult to describe the sight of them on their roller blades. Words like elegant, refined, composed and graceful do not play a part.

It is as though they have entered a new dimension of gravitational effect.

Newton's Third Law of Motion seems not to play a part in their progress, they exist on a new strata of independent progress and movement. They can convert blind panic and flaying arms into onward progression.

It is utterly bewitching to watch.

They have returned and I was closing the gates when they passed,

"Hello there, we've just started this roller blading you know"

I congratulated them.

"Our son said it would keep us young"

I have a suspicion the son is eyeing up a fast inheritance.