Everyone remembers his songs, his concerts, his interviews and personal experiences. As a child, much like everyone else, I grew up listening to his songs. AR Rahman - SPB was the thing for me. Until I was in middle school, I only knew ARR, SPB and Raja.

Funnily enough, I never knew what any of them looked like. Until a Jaya TV programme came along. SPB hosted it and every night, my family would have dinner with him and his songs, sometimes chiming in to my mom's frustration ("saapdumbodhu enna koothu!?").

I still remember an episode where in his usual demeanor he said "I am but a singer trying to win bread for my family through my songs. I am grateful for all the love you show me for it." I don't know why that sentence stuck with me.

Without realising it, I slowly but steadily grew fonder of this man I'd never known. Not in a "I stan him and his voice and his songs" kind of respect-fuelled love either. Just as a human, wondering what it would be like if he were my neighbour or my relative.

High school rolled in, and in 2007 I moved to Chennai. Sivaji had just released and Balleilakka was on full blast on every radio station, even as my dad put on cassettes of him singing Thakida Thadhimi or Mandram Vandha. Slowly, I realised his legacy.

Not one person from my classmates to my family to even complete strangers ever had a bad thing to say about him. Every conversation that brought up his name also brought about a sense of awe in everyone. By the time I was in college, I knew who he was and how much he stood for.

We covered his songs in our band, occasionally sang along in our hostel rooms, concurred about his irreplaceability, and happily failed to imagine Tamil cinema without him. He became a part of my everyday playlist.

Just a few weeks ago I was at @pettiguru_final's place drinking and listening to Sangeedha Jaadhi Mullai. By then he was already immortal. His voice lived on, within cinema, without cinema. And yet, today, he's gone. And yet, today, he's human. And there's a void.

For now, I'm sad and angry. This pandemic has done too much. And the worst part is that the only thing that helped me every time I was sad or angry was music, including and especially his music. Today I'm lost. I guess I'll go listen to a mere breadwinning singer again. #RIPSPB