Read on Twitter
got this. wish sa twitter would read it with me. https://twitter.com/crissles/status/1309186342358839298">https://twitter.com/crissles/...
& #39;Many emotionally immature people were “overpruned” early in life, growing up within a very limited range of acceptability. Their personalities are like stunted bonsai trees, trained to grow in unnatural shapes.& #39;
& #39;Because they had to bend to fit their families, they were unable to develop fluidly into the integrated, natural people they might have become.& #39;
& #39;Because emotionally immature people have little awareness of feelings and a limited vocabulary for
emotional experiences, they usually act out their emotional needs instead of talking about them.& #39;
emotional experiences, they usually act out their emotional needs instead of talking about them.& #39;
& #39;They use a method of communication known as emotional contagion (Hatfield, Rapson, and Le 2007),
which gets other people to feel what they’re feeling.& #39;
which gets other people to feel what they’re feeling.& #39;
& #39;Mature people take on the emotional work in relationships automatically because they live in a
state of empathy and self-awareness. It’s impossible for them to overlook the fact that someone they
care about is having a hard time.& #39;
state of empathy and self-awareness. It’s impossible for them to overlook the fact that someone they
care about is having a hard time.& #39;
& #39;Doing this work allows them to successfully navigate all kinds of
interpersonal situations without stepping on other people’s toes. Both at work and at home, emotional
labor promotes goodwill and good relationships.& #39;
interpersonal situations without stepping on other people’s toes. Both at work and at home, emotional
labor promotes goodwill and good relationships.& #39;
& #39;Emotionally immature people, on the other hand, often take pride in their lack of this skill. They
rationalize their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like “I’m just saying what I think”
or “I can’t change who I am.”& #39;
rationalize their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like “I’m just saying what I think”
or “I can’t change who I am.”& #39;
& #39;If you confront them with the fact that not saying everything you think is
a sign of good sense or that people can’t mature without changing who they are, they will probably
respond with anger or by dismissing you as ridiculous.& #39;
a sign of good sense or that people can’t mature without changing who they are, they will probably
respond with anger or by dismissing you as ridiculous.& #39;
& #39;It’s as though they think they’re off the hook if others don’t spell out their pain or difficulty in words. They believe that they aren’t required to be tuned in to others’ feelings. However, emotionally mature people are almost always sensitive to others, knowing this is
simply part of having good relationships. For people who have empathy, emotional work flows easily. However, for those who are unskilled at empathy and find other people’s minds to be opaque, emotional work doesn’t feel natural at all.& #39;
& #39;For emotionally immature people, all interactions boil down to the question of whether they’re
good people or bad ones, which explains their extreme defensiveness if you try to talk to them about
something they did. They often
good people or bad ones, which explains their extreme defensiveness if you try to talk to them about
something they did. They often
respond to even mild complaints about their behavior with an extreme
statement, like “Well, then, I must be the worst mother ever!” or “Obviously I can’t do anything right!”
They would rather shut down communication than hear something that could make them feel like bad
people.& #39;
statement, like “Well, then, I must be the worst mother ever!” or “Obviously I can’t do anything right!”
They would rather shut down communication than hear something that could make them feel like bad
people.& #39;
& #39;Role entitlement is an attitude of demanding certain treatment because of your social role. When parents feel entitled to do what they want simply because they’re in the role of parent, this is a form of role entitlement.& #39;
& #39;They act as though being a parent exempts them from respecting boundaries or being considerate.& #39;
& #39;Although emotional intimacy and enmeshment can look superficially similar, these two styles of interaction are very different. In emotional intimacy, two individuals with fully articulated selves enjoy getting to know each other at a deep level, building emotional trust through
mutual acceptance. In the process of getting to know each other, they discover and even cherish differences between them. Emotional intimacy is invigorating and energizes people toward personal growth as they enjoy the interest and support of another person.& #39;
& #39;In enmeshment, on the other hand, two emotionally immature people seek their identity and self-completion through an intense, dependent relationship (Bowen 1978). Through this enmeshed relationship, they create a sense of certainty, predictability, and security that relies on
the reassuring familiarity of each person playing a comfortable role for the other. If one person tries to step out of the implicit bounds of the relationship, the other often experiences great anxiety that’s only eased by a
return to the prescribed role.& #39;
ENMESHMENT IS PRISON
return to the prescribed role.& #39;
ENMESHMENT IS PRISON
okay this is the last bit I& #39;m going to share:
& #39;Enmeshment sometimes manifests as playing favorites (Libby 2010). It can be hard to watch your parent give attention to a preferred sibling, making you wonder why your parent never showed that kind of interest in you.
& #39;Enmeshment sometimes manifests as playing favorites (Libby 2010). It can be hard to watch your parent give attention to a preferred sibling, making you wonder why your parent never showed that kind of interest in you.
But obvious favoritism isn’t a sign of a close relationship; it’s a sign of enmeshment. It’s likely that the preferred sibling has a psychological maturity level similar to your parent’s (Bowen 1978). Low levels of emotional maturity pull people into mutual enmeshment, especially
if they are parent and child. Remember, emotionally immature parents relate on the basis of roles, not individuality. If you had an independent, self-reliant personality, your parent wouldn’t have seen you as a needy child for whom he or she could play the role of rescuing
parent. Instead, you may have been pegged as the
child without needs, the little grown-up. It wasn’t some sort of insufficiency in you that made your parent pay more attention to your sibling; rather, it’s likely that you weren’t dependent enough to trigger your parent’s
child without needs, the little grown-up. It wasn’t some sort of insufficiency in you that made your parent pay more attention to your sibling; rather, it’s likely that you weren’t dependent enough to trigger your parent’s
enmeshment instincts. Interestingly, self-sufficient children who don’t spur their parents to become enmeshed are often left alone to create a more independent and self-determined life (Bowen 1978). Therefore, they can
achieve a level of self-development exceeding that of their
achieve a level of self-development exceeding that of their
parents. In this way, not getting attention can actually pay off in the long run. But in the meantime, high-functioning children still have the pain of feeling left out as their parent pours energy into emotional enmeshment with one or more siblings.& #39;
