Well surely our norms will protect us

I’d say my top priority right now, as a voter, is the norms

Hold on, about to get in a big fight with my wife by asking her what we would save from the house if we could only grab one thing in a fire. No matter what she says, I will respond The most important thing is norms

My Cheers spec script where political and procedural norms walk into the bar and everyone goes “Norms!” was widely rejected for being Too Good

Calling my teen nephew (who lives on the east coast where it is almost 3am) to get him to make me a meme where the “bad” thing is:Health and Safety of All Americans, or: Stopping Fascism, and the “good” thing is: norms

Getting sued by the Schulz estate for my political cartoon. I’m shouting into the phone, The football is NORMS; that’s why it says NORMS on it! and my lawyer asks, Okay, but why did you draw Lucy wearing lipstick? and I scream, Because she wants to feel pretty! It’s not related.

YOU: If we prove the other side is acting in bad faith, their hypocrisy and disregard for governmental precedent will surely make for a more damning narrative than a coherent explanation of the tangible real effects on-

ME: Whoa whoa hey. You had me at “norms”

YOU: I didn’t say

Okay, for this tweet, the context is I’m talking to someone who lost their whole family in a climate change disaster and is now buried in hospital debt and I am trying to relate to them through a shared sense of loss:

I guess what I miss most of all is the norms

Picture this: Regina George pulls up in her fancy car and says, “Get in loser, we’re flouting norms!”

The important thing to remember about this scene is that Regina George is a “mean girl” and her behavior should not be - hold on I am getting another phone call from my lawyer

And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for no one was doing norms anymore

WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE
AND THEN ACTS LIKE IT DIDN'T HIT YOUR EYE
SO THE CASE GOES TO THE SUPREME COURT
BUT THREE OF THE JUSTICES ON THE SUPREME COURT WERE APPOINTED BY THE MOON
AND YOU THINK SURELY THAT WON'T AFFECT THEIR RULING IN THIS INSTANCE,

THAT'S...... norms

My "If you can't handle me at my Sternly Admonishing You For Not Observing Norms, then you don't deserve me at my Observing Those Same Norms Myself In A Hypothetical Future In Which I Have Power And May Or May Not Uphold Said Norms" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions

To the tune of the Meghan Trainor hit All About That Bass, but now it's about norms, trust me I did a lot of research, this is an issue voters care about, do not second guess my methodology, I already choreographed a dance, it took all night:

BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M ALL ABOUT THOSE

My sincere hope is that at the debate next week someone says “read my lips: no new norms” don’t care who says it, think it would be a cool moment

“So you see, exerting power is crude, even in the service of saving lives; the more sophisticated thing is to go like, in a nerd voice, aww, come on, don’t, please think about the tradition of bi-partisanship and the unspoken agreement to not be jerks...”
“Sir, this is a Norm’s.”

Completely missing my son’s bris because I am so hyper-focused on trying to steer the conversation towards politics and then engineer a natural moment for me to say “Forget it, Jake, it’s norms-town!” Everyone will be furious at me but an important point will be made.