Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you& #39;d need to pay to prevent it from being used.

And then, when you ask why the orphan-crushing machine even exists, americans act bewildered that the large hydraulic device with a chute labelled INSERT ORPHANS HERE could be mistaken for an orphan-crushing machine

"you put orphans in, as the label suggests. It crushes them. It& #39;s even named the Orphanhammer 2000."

Only if you& #39;re foolish enough to put orphans in it, the american responds.

And if you ask why they, knowing this, continue to put orphans into the orphan-crushing machine, the american will be baffled at the idea that you wouldn& #39;t use an orphan-crushing machine.

"It& #39;s right there. Would be a waste if you didn& #39;t use it."