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Ngl I love X and Juice and they always got a connection to my heart and soul but sometimes I wonder if its unhealthy bein so heavily involved in their communities when I still have moments lookin at a pic or video of them and just get sad as fuck missin tf out them.
Like I'll see a pic of X in the studio lookin so at ease and think of how much his music has gotten me thru and how he's inspired me so much and I just think of how he gone and shit kinda breaks my heart all over again. Same whenever I see Juice. I still got certain songs of his
I can't listen to w/o crying. Like I LOVE being involved in the comms don't get me wrong and I can see the effect I have on others here and the enjoyment I bring people but I be wonderin how good it is for me mentally when I'm still not even sure if I've properly grieved and
mourned the ones that helped shape me into the person I am. And sometimes it be hard for those of us who idolize deceased rappers to talk about the pain it brings us because for some reason the majority of society today is too simple minded to consider the idea that
someone can still have love for and be inspired by someone they never met. To them its so weird but to us its pretty normal. I know so many people (obviously) who have been heavily inspired and comforted by these artists in some of their darkest times. And there's nothing
wrong with that. People have no right to judge us on who we bring inspiration from. At the end of the day that person has effected us in very positive ways so there's no reason for it to be an issue unless there's blatant negative effects like detachment from yourself or
obsession. But you get what I'm saying. I guess the overall thought that I'm trying to express about myself and I guess about some others in the community too, is that although we draw a lot of positive energy and comfort and ambition from these artists I think a lot of us
haven't properly mourned and accepted the deaths of our idols and its subtly effecting us one way or another whether we admit it or not. That could very well apply to me but at the very least I can say I do draw a lot of comfort from others in the community, I think
knowing so many of us share the pain really helps me feel like I'm not alone and can talk to a lot of you about it openly, and I hope all of you feel that way towards the others in this community including myself. Just stay safe. Love you guys.
- Chisel
- Chisel
