I can’t keep count of the times I’ve been told “I hear you” and “I’m sorry” since May.

All regular conversation I used to have with these white people about science, food, boys, etc. went out the window the minute they started reciting lines from Instagram infographics. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Gesicht mit rollenden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit rollenden Augen"> https://twitter.com/isasaxonists/status/1309199303567646720">https://twitter.com/isasaxoni...

That ignorance surrounding my experience as one of the relatively few Asian archaeologists and anthropologists—that ignorance was on show already ever since I met them in 2018, 2014, or 2009.

However, we still talked about a hundred other things… a connection now lost. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🚫" title=""Betreten verboten!"-Zeichen" aria-label="Emoji: "Betreten verboten!"-Zeichen">

I’m not ‘grateful’, per se, for the white people who have continued talking to me, probably forcing themselves a bit to remain engaged and stay my friend and colleague.

I just see empathy towards others’ experience as the bare minimum friends and colleagues do for each other? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷🏻‍♂️" title="Achselzuckender Mann (heller Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Achselzuckender Mann (heller Hautton)">

You can discuss interpretations of archaeological data, your plans for the next biological anthropology conference, or how to frame human evolution lectures.

Anti-racism work is just another topic I care about outside ‘my field’ like the climate crisis, politics, and scicomm. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💬" title="Sprechblase" aria-label="Emoji: Sprechblase">

Clearly, the topics of white supremacy, colonial history and academic racism are too big and scary for some of my former friends and colleagues. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👻" title="Geist" aria-label="Emoji: Geist">

The time is over where we see each other as peers. They’re not ready to rise to this moment. Our interactions are broken.

Because I valued our existing relationships, I waited for weeks and months for adequate engagement on this topic. I was ever-present for them, as a friend and colleague, ready to be patient and even educate these white people a bit.

So I REFUSE to claim fault for any of this. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💯" title="Hundert Punkte Symbol" aria-label="Emoji: Hundert Punkte Symbol">

These people aren’t ready to really ‘hear’ me. I’m a person with plans and needs too, but the white fragility and recentering of themselves is real.

Their earlier commitments to me were a farce—to keep me when it was easier, or when I provided value for them in THEIR life. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥴" title="Woozy face" aria-label="Emoji: Woozy face">

My mom, grandma, partner and friends in Hong Kong all say ‘good riddance’ after I cut contact with those who don’t recognize my ideas, my career struggles, or my humanity.

I’ve started recognizing this is the sentiment I need to adopt as well… for my own welfare and healing. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💔" title="Gebrochenes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Gebrochenes Herz">

How sad it is for them to see me, whom they love dearly, so deprived of being ‘heard’.

To have been wronged, disrespected and unseen for a decade(!) of my life.

So I refuse to try anymore with the biggest egos on the planet who don’t get what ‘the work’ actually demands. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙅🏻‍♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „Nicht OK“ (heller Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „Nicht OK“ (heller Hautton)">