I have the flu and decided I’m going to watch all the twilight movies for the first time. (There are fucking FIVE OF THEM smdh)
I’m like 20 minutes into the first one. What is this fever dream

It’s so awkward. It’s sO awkward. It’s SO AWKWARD
The close ups of people mocroreacting and moving their mouth like they’re going to say something, then are about to, and then don’t, and it cuts away.
I’m not even going to say anything about this script that shit sunk long ago

everything is so at odds with making sense.
But I know the further installments will be more and more insufferable. I will take this awkward garbage any day. I hold no ill will

i made this in photoshop of my own free will so you know i'm right

SO DUMB

Twilight anime baseball episode when??!

1 DOWN 4 TO GO

this thing was a giggle a galleon, a beautiful bizarre disaster. i'm sad the rest probably won't be this fun

Ok I started new moon and it feels like there is SO MUCH missing from the get go. Missing time, relationships, context. This dramatic ball-rolling nonsense breakup already MOVIE IT’S BEEN 22 MINUTES

no one:

nobody:

not even a soul:

bella: ...a ... RUSH?!

BELLA IS SO SELFISH

ghost edward please take a hint and bounce. leave your awful girlfriend to die in her cliff-diving angst

MARTIN SHEEN VAMPIRE

edward: "marry me Bella"
bella: close up. beat. beat. *inhale gasp*-CUT TO BLACK

this movie was tits. so boring. and for real, Bella, as a character or lack thereof, SUCKS bro. she and edward deserve each other good lord.
pls eclipse don't let me down

there was 20min of this movie where Jacob was its shining light & brought so much levity to an otherwise soulless character pool & story, then they got rid of that wig & turned him into a perpetual angst machine
taylor lautner is so charming, let him be more than muscles!! rude!!

okay I'm more than halfway through eclipse and this is (and this is all relative) MUCH better, it's so much more watchable.
it's just a big game of round robin of cullen backstories, pick me ping pong, and also a sloppy excuse for ze vamps and wolfies to fight big. that's fine

okay, eclipse down. it was a bit bloated but after new moon this thing was practically delightful
unexpected 6 hours of twilight movies has really caught up to me. gonna finish the dumb two-parter tomorrow, ugh.
now back to throwing up. sparkles out!