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OK, so if I was told "Hey, Stolze, do Batman," here's how I'd go about it.
1)
1)
Setup a new villain. One who isn't funny looking. Isn't obsessed. Would never be sent to Arkham, because it's clear she's entirely in control of herself and her thinking. Let's go charming, brilliant sociopath. Wants to remake Gotham into whipped, obedient Republican voters.
2)
2)
Can't have fuckin' Batman running around being chaotic and shit. She starts a smear campaign. It works pretty well. Researches hard.
She finds Batman's weakness, his Kryptonite. It's called Wayne Enterprises.
3)
She finds Batman's weakness, his Kryptonite. It's called Wayne Enterprises.
3)
She wrecks it. She wrecks him. Bruce is outed. He's on the hook for every assault & battery Batman ever did, plus all the shady business shit required to fund the Batmobile and everything.
She wins.
4)
She wins.
4)
Bruce gets arrested. He has a pretty grim time of it in jail. But he goes on trial because he believes he can convince 12 jurors to spring him.
They do not.
5)
They do not.
5)
Brucie goes to prison, however, she CAN'T QUITE get him sent to the kind of place where you lock up Solomon Grundy and Dr. Light because, shit, he's just some guy who did a ton of push-ups and had a lot of gadgetry.
6)
6)
Like, "You must have this many eyebeams, or equivalent, to go to supervillain jail."
So we get a few issues of Bruce in the pen.
It does not, of course, take him long to escape, either with or without help.
7)
So we get a few issues of Bruce in the pen.
It does not, of course, take him long to escape, either with or without help.
7)
NOW, Bruce Wayne is America's most wanted. Every last asset of his is frozen. He's got enough bug-out-bag cash stashes to keep him in frozen burritos and black turtlenecks, but he. Is. Now. POOR.
8)
8)
Bruce runs. Bruce hides. Bruce uses everything he knows about crime and cops to avoid arrest, and still tries, and succeeds, at busting the nads of assorted street-level bullies.
9)
9)
At some point in the middle of this, Superman shows up and is like "Bruce, my dude, you want to crash on the JLA satellite for a bit?" "Nah, the 4th Street Hotel For Men is fine, Clark." "You mind... helping us out with this thing?"
10)
10)
"You got a thing, Clark?" "A problem... honestly, a mystery. We're all puzzled as shit, Bruce, pardon my down-home Kansas language." "What about Barry, he's pretty smart." "We're all. Puzzled. As shit. Bruce."
11)
11)
"OK, Clark, I'll help you figure out your cosmic murder mystery if you use your powers to kill every cockroach in the 4th Street Hotel For Men." (whoosh) "Done. Got the rats too."
12)
12)
"They're not going to decompose in the walls and stink up the the place, are they?" "Bruce, you know me better than that. They were all completely fried to carbon using heat vision on the x-ray wavelength." "OK then."
13)
13)
Bruce goes off with the JLA and figures out the Sherlock shit they couldn't. Then they offer to help him get Gotham back but he's all "Nah, I think I wanna do this on my own. Take my time. Really get into the details, y'know? If I NEED you, I know how to find you."
14)
14)
And that's how, instead of a detached billionaire, Batman becomes a working-class hero who has, like, seven reloads of his best gadgets, a motorcycle, some batarangs, and a grapple hook gun.
15)
15)
When everyone's tired of gritty broke-ass Batman, you finally let him defeat the sociopathic mayor and reclaim his fortune as Bruce Wayne, and everything goes back to normal, except maybe he's got a newfound appreciation of how shitty poverty is.
END)
END)
