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I used to pride myself on how much I protected my friends, anyone comes for “my people” and they are getting some good ol Wren Wrath.
Why this mindset is self centered and juvenile at best, harmful and victim blaming at worst: a thread.
Why this mindset is self centered and juvenile at best, harmful and victim blaming at worst: a thread.
Circling the wagons around someone just because they are your friend is dangerous. Manipulative people know they need to keep advocates around. Having people that love them and think they can do no wrong helps their case when anyone comes for them. You could be that very shield.
You never know. I know this sounds harsh and untrusting but I was bullied in the spring by some people that were protecting their friend who they believed could never have assaulted anyone. That guy had carefully curated allies to and took me to court for defamation (and lost.)
Those people that defended him probably feel pretty silly now, but the damage is done. They believed that they were smarter than to fall for lies and that their good person sense had picked the right side. “Defend women...yeah but only the ones who aren’t going after MY friends.”
You are never smarter than to fall for a manipulator. They are charismatic and usually very practiced in how to sure up their defenses.
I’m very guilty of having pride in my good person sense. And this year I’ve erroneously rushed to defend a number of people I should not have.
I’m very guilty of having pride in my good person sense. And this year I’ve erroneously rushed to defend a number of people I should not have.
Im currently dealing with finding out a number of things I thought about a friend based on the words of someone I let manipulate me were untrue, and that person who manipulated me did similar things to that friend. They are currently working on a narrative that I’m the bad guy.
These people play the long game. They live in their heads and their reality where they are correct and everyone else is bad, and they gather people to back them up. If you always defend your friends no matter what, with no introspection, you could be part of a system of abuse.
I am never good at concluding these types of threads. So all I want to say is be cautious. Love your friends but keep an open mind if anyone says they hurt them. *Everyone* is capable of hurting people, on purpose or not. Pay attention to how people act when they are accused.
Do they look inside and think “oh, could I have hurt that person? Was it a misunderstanding? We should open up a dialogue” or do they scream and stamp their feet and say “I could NEVER!”
(These things are not necessarily an indicator though because some people are good actors.)
(These things are not necessarily an indicator though because some people are good actors.)
Regardless. You are never smart enough to never get fooled by a manipulator.
Your friends could hurt people. YOU could hurt people.
Believing you are a better judge of character than anyone is self centered and hurts victims. Let’s all do better ok?
Your friends could hurt people. YOU could hurt people.
Believing you are a better judge of character than anyone is self centered and hurts victims. Let’s all do better ok?
