There are voters prepared to vote for this president who may only change their mind because of you. You may be the only thing that gets through. Not a Project Lincoln ad. Not a sassy tweet. Not a yard sign. Not a mailer. You.

It’s time to have the talk.

Don’t come at these talks with anger. These are likely people you love. When we point fingers we push people right back into the arms of people like Trump.

Try, “I would like to know what you feel you stand to lose or gain by voting for President Trump? What scares you?”

Find common ground if possible.

“I feel scared, too. I feel I stand to lose these rights. Here’s an example (insert evidence).” Or, “These are the things I care deeply about that I am so scared to lose or see threatened or erased.”

“Do you understand how that is scary for me? Can you see how I might be worried? Is that, in your opinion, worth less than what you feel you stand to gain?”

Sometimes we need to present other people’s lived experiences and realities that hinge on elected officials and policies. Sometimes voters have never had to think about, or have never been exposed to, these realities. (attn white people: want to “do the work?” Time to speak up.)

If you approach these conversations with lines like “Uncle Jim you’re a racist, homophobic, bigoted monster” you’ll just push him right back into his “safe space”, which is Trump. Deep breaths. Empathy. Kindness. Earnest ears on. We have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Remember it’s much easier to feel smaller and hateful than to feel big hearted. The hard work is making space for others and getting it right. You don’t want people you love to disappear, you want to help them get it right.

I know this is hard. Don’t expect light switch changes. This takes time. But we don’t have long, so reach out, come at it with love, and don’t give up. We don’t give up on this country and I know you don’t want to give up on or write off people you’ve loved your entire life.

And of course, please don’t have these conversations if you feel unsafe or if these talks could threaten your safety, employment, housing, etc. We’ve all got your back and we’ll keep having the hard conversations for you.

One last thing: your humanity and your dignity are never up for debate. You are worthy of equal rights. You are worthy and deserving of love. Some may never see it that way. Don’t engage hellfire with gasoline. We can’t win them all, but trust we’re all here for you.