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I've decided to make a thread about my time as a libfem, on tumblr, at uni & in a social group who was heavily focused on virtue signalling and thought policing. This started life as a reply thread but the thread is broken now so it is being reposted/added to for posterity. 1/23
I first realised I may be a lesbian at the end of HS. My falling out with my female best friend caused me to have a mental breakdown & I had to be placed in special classes for 6 months. When I came back to classes a male acquaintance who had previously stalked me tried it on. 2/
Vulnerable due to the "rejection" of someone I was interested in (&low self esteem &inability to say no) we dated until graduation. I broke up with him as soon as he hinted his parents got married right after HS. I started uni & that was when I thought "I'm a lesbian. Probably."3
Being late teens and at university around 2010 meant immediately being indoctrinated into queer theory and identity politics. Getting a tumblr was a must. I very quickly learnt that "monosexuals" were exclusionary and close minded. Sexual fluidity was key to moral superiority. 4/
"Sex positivity" meant it was empowering to sleep with people you weren't attracted to cuz being "sex negative" restricted self expression & desire. Amateur porn was empowerment. Women were oppressed because "femininity was seen as inferior." Eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man.5
Radical feminism was backwards & bigoted. Biologically essentialist. Nowadays, the most important cause was intersectional. TWAW. Trans women had a 1/15 chance of being murdered in their lifetime. The average age of death for a TW was 35. If you didn't accept these facts=bigot.6/
So I did a lot of re-educating myself. Made sure I was being intersectional. Tried to forget everything I knew about prostitution/porn industry and sex trafficking being exploitative. About how performing regressive gender stereotypes don't make someone a woman. 7/
I also had 2 boyfriends while at uni. "Coincidentally" both happened right after a perceived rejection by a woman I was actually interested in. The last boyfriend I ever had, I said to myself "this is the last time I can do this to myself. This is the last man I will ever date."8
This last boyfriend I ever had came out as trans just as I was gaining the strength to leave & come out as a lesbian. I stayed. I spouted TWAW. I really thought I believed it. Maybe this would be the answer for how empty & guilty I felt for not feeling happy but not knowing why 9
My ex's transition was heavily influenced by porn use, and a developing fetish for sissification/makeup/dresses. I often came home to find them spinning and prancing in my clothes and undergarments, with an erection. I was told I was essentially the man of the relationship. 10/
I had more "masc interests" while my ex baked, so was the woman in the relationship. 6 months I tried to recontextualize our relationship as having always been a lesbian one. Despite my constant mental health issues & suicidality, and knowing I was fundamentally unhappy 11/
I accepted that my ex's new gender identity had not changed anything materially. We broke up, I spent 2 years single making peace and healing, and then have exclusively dated women since then. There's a very real, fundamental difference between women and trans women. I know it.12
It was still an appropriation of womanhood from someone on the outside. Before my ex came out all our friends "teased us" by jokingly referring to us as a lesbian couple because my short hair & my ex's lack of hypermasculinity. I always got noticeably offended - "a lesbian couple
is more than any opposite sex couple where the man isn't a walking male stereotype, have some respect for lesbians! There is "no man" in any lesbian relationship. How homophobic to make this comparison" (lol in hindsight my objections were telling). All those mutual friends said
it "made perfect sense" when my ex did come out. They were all pushing that nasty cliche = any man not performing masculinity to society's standard must actually be a woman. How are these ideas doing anything to dismantle the patriarchy? 15/
My ex had no dysphoria prior to coming out, it began afterward, with the fixation on "passing". The event that triggered the idea to transition/gender play? A mutual friend lightheartedly putting mascara on him because "you're so pretty." being turned on by the transgression .16
From the outside my ex was the perfect example of a trans person. Had always been relatively gender non conforming, wearing nail polish and GNC goth clothes. Had always been gentle and not overly masculine. Had androgynous features so began passing easily. 17/
My ex's desire to transition was still born from porn addiction, intense jealousy of lesbians & a cross-dressing fetish. We broke up and I did a lot of self forgiveness, acceptance and healing. I left my entire friendship group because I was terrified of being labelled a TERF. 18
It's all ridiculous now, how I could have been so easily indoctrinated by identity politics. How I internalised all these concepts & learnt to suppress myself in order to "be a good ally/feminist". Vulnerable young people are still being taken in by this movement. 19/
It uses peer pressure, social control and fear of rejection to keep people in line. It preys on those with low self esteem and a genuine desire to be good people. And it leads to extremism. It leads to a cult mentality and leads to abuse. 20/
I met my current GF of 3 years on apps. I know how infested WLW apps are with trans ID'ed males & we aren't even able to filter them out, its demanded we consider them potential partners. I had to block my male ex on HER, an app for women to meet other women. That was distressing
Since then the app has removed the word "woman" from its marketing and it's "gender options" for all users. It removes any lesbian who reports male users or indicates on their profile that they're only interested in biological women. 22/
Fringe, unhinged and dangerous tumblr beliefs are now becoming mainstream, corporate capture. Becoming written into law. It's leading to more and more harm. But it does mean that more people are starting to realise what is happening and how insidious this movement is. 23/23
Mine isnt the only story of how the "modern trans rights movement" has harmed lesbians. This push is also being seen more & more with gay men. I'm also not alone in my experience with a trans partner. It was very eye opening how common my experience is https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/
