So discovered something really odd about myself and my tendency to be fine with abusive people till it gets too much.

And it wasn't the typical low self-esteem etc - which never really fit.

Trust me to always be odd.

I don't really have a problem with how others behave unless it interferes with my freedoms somehow - as in actually preventing something I want, not just anger, or insulting behaviour, etc. So initial abusive behaviour - how it begins - flies completely under my radar.

You see it here on Twitter too. I have never been the least bothered by what trolls think or say. They have their account, I have mine. No problem. As long as they don't prevent me from using my account, all is good.

It is similar in real life.

But there is one thing that attracts me about abusive people. The fact that they don't have a problem speaking their mind and will often give feedback more polite people won't.

And it completely blindsides me to realize that a person I interacted with in good faith is malicious.

I give second and third and foruth and nth chances. Not realizing that some people simply need to be cut out.

Most of their behaviour being unacceptable, but not personally distressing (I don't see myself as responsible for what they do), I am devastated when they DO hurt me.

The assumption of good faith in others is wrong.

I am an idiot.

And thus the mystery of how I attract abusive people in spite of not having a "typical victim profile".

Facepalm.

On plus side, I guess I like myself that my default view of the world is that people are always acting in good faith.

It is stupid, and incorrect, but it is because I unfailingly act in good faith, and so imagine everyone else does.

I like that part.