Would You Hire This Person As Your Therapist?

(a thread)

Like so many of you, I’ve been struggling with my anxiety and depression through COVID.

Plus chronic illness flare-ups and a history of trauma related to my health and safety.

In Feb, I found a trauma therapist certified in EMDR. Then the pandemic.

We switched to tele-health.

A few weeks ago, I voiced concerns to this therapist. She ignored them. She also refused to do any EMDR exercises via tele-health.

I made the decision to stop seeing her.

It affected me more than expected because I have a history of doctors and clinicians betraying my trust.

(I’ve written about that in a few of my Medium pieces—Link below.)

This therapist knew about that, and so did the one I saw for the second time today.

In the first, session she apologized for the way my previous therapist acted, saying it was unethical. https://link.medium.com/d6FKuZJ119 

This new therapist is certified in EMDR.

Today, I told her about some of my most significant trauma.

She told me to go back further, into my childhood, looking for a traumatic “touchstone” that started it all.

I had trouble. Most of my trauma is after age 17, my diagnosis.

She said, “Let me tell you about a client of mine...” and she proceeded to tell me two horrific stories of the client’s childhood trauma.

She then explained how those two events were connected to the client’s current issues.

My stomach sank.

It was all I could think about.

I paused the session to tell her that it made me really uncomfortable 1) hearing the graphic details of another person's trauma, and 2) that she would divulge details like that.

She got defensive, saying that all the great therapists wrote case studies and examples are helpful.

She said that was just the way she did therapy: she incorporates stories, metaphors, movies, and real-life experiences.

I asked how she thought her client would feel knowing she uses their history.

She said she didn't give any identifying details so it was perfectly fine.

But it wasn't fine. Not for me.

My volunteer work is giving support to people in crisis, and I would never share even a shred of their stories, told to me in confidence.

As a writer, I spend a lot of time thinking who stories belong to, and whose place it is to tell them.

I told this therapist that even though I share so much of my story publicly, I wouldn't be okay with her telling it to other clients as an example.

And then comes the biggest mindf*ck of them all.

She said, "The stories I told you about my client's abuse, I made them up."

She said, "I know trust is an important issue with you, so I want to tell you those stories were culled from a few different sources. They're fiction. I just thought it would help you if I said they were from a real person."

She said this.

She said this thinking it would help.

So this either means:

1) She lied at the start, or

2) She lied about the "fiction" to make me believe she was a therapist who would never betray a client's trust.

I can't decide which one is worse.

The second mindf*ck:

She tried to blame this whole thing on me, saying that she could tell I had problems trusting her even from the first session.

My response was, "My walls were up because it was the first session... plus y'know, my whole history of being hurt by clinicians."

I talked some more about that, and to give her a modicum of credit, she listened and understood how this whole thing played into that, especially after what happened with my previous therapist.

So the question is

Would you hire this person as your therapist?

I already know the answer, for me at least.

The reasons I entertained it were 1) oh, maybe this could be like a learning experience, but more

2) IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND THERAPISTS WHO TAKE INSURANCE

Every time I seek therapy, it takes me at least a month to find *anyone*