Watching the piece of shit Last Airbender movie before it goes off Netflix.

"This already sucks." -- @MattWilsonCSS at the title card

Man, you know a way better film than this? The Abyss.

AW FUCK I FORGOT THEY MADE THEM WHITE FOR NO REASON

Sokka's all quiet and reserved, and Katara has NO HAIR LOOPIES

"Is this the video game portion where you control the characters?" -- @MattWilsonCSS

Only bright point so far is that Sokka's trying to get at a weird glowy thing in the ice beneath him with his boomerang pretty much immediately

"This is the best Bi Day of Visibility activity ever." -- @peprally

Shit this is one strong as hell boomerang

UNCLE A WAYPOINT

Yes Sokka, Appa is trying to eat you with his butt

Since when does Aang have a Necronomicon tramp stamp

"These lines are delivered like 'you can shop at 5 or 6 stores or just one.'" -- @MattWilsonCSS about our heroes' first conversation

So Katara and Sokka are the only white people in this village, huh? Who's their dad, Chief Steve Watertribe?

Zuko turns around with the ghostly wail of a baby following him, his spirit guide

SCAR IS LAME

LOOKS LIKE HE HAS ECZEMA

THIS WITCHER-LOOKING MOFO IS SUPPOSED TO BE IROH?????

Now that I know "bender" is slang for gay in the UK, I'm just gonna use that as a filter on this dialogue because it makes this marginally more watchable

"Tattooes that fucking sick haven't been seen in more than a century." --some white-ass grandma

"Also you'd love my friend Hana if you ever met her, whatta peach"

"I HEAR YOU WITH MY BLOOD" --Hama, probably

So like are we using Captain Planet rules here or

Real talk: I would like a copy of this map

"only the Avatar can eat all these of these without puking"

Also this test is dumb and shouldn't even work

"I know you're an airbender because you take my breath away"

The fact that they're trying to make this material all serious and broody makes it feel much sillier than the cartoon

C'monnnn fucked up room full of skeletons

Oh no Momo's creepy

Prayer field MORE LIKE THE KILLING FIELD

I LEFT A FEW DAYS AGO THESE CORPSES WERE STILL FRESH THEN

"Koh the Face-Stealer would be starving to death in this movie because no one shows any emotion." -- @peprally

"Is he from The Daily Show?" -- @peprally

Props to the guy stuck playing Zuko. Good sad dork face here

What is this a Comedy Central Roast??? Whew I'm good

Big Kylo Ren energy

Legitimately feel bad for Dev Patel because he's being wasted here

OH MY GOD DID THEY JUST PAINT-BY-NUMBERS A SCREENSHOT FROM THE SHOW

They keep pronouncing it "Uh-vatar"

Thanks Sokka

Thsokka

EARTHGAYS, YOU'RE STANDING ON FUCKING DIRT DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU

"Take that JPEG!" -- @MattWilsonCSS

I would also like one of these

Avatar Kyoshi, unbeatable at Jenga

OKAY SOKKA

AUDIENCE:

Sokka drew this right

You know Zhao never shuts up about this shit

WHY'S IT PRONOUNCED "AGNI KEY"????

Mark my words uncle we will make kisses on the pretty girls once I regain MY HONOR

oh shittt

Okay the really brief air gate fight with the Fire Nation soldiers was neat

I know I'm like 10 years later to this, but that song hair tho

Sure

Getting Leonardo da Vinci vibes from Yue's dad????

"If someone ever invented a gun, these people would be fucked." -- @MattWilsonCSS

Sokka: Why's your hair white?
Yue: I was born asleep, but my parents prayed to the Moon Fairy and dunked me in a pond to bring me to life. Not my face, though
Sokka: Y'know if you don't wanna tell me you don't have to make stuff up

So Zuko's plan is to set the spirit oasis on fire WHILE SURROUNDED BY WATER by Katara gets her ass kicked????

The Guardians of GaHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I would rather watch the Ember Island Players do their thing than more of this shit." -- @peprally

How great would it be if Zhao just fucking ate the moon fish?

Liiiink the Blood Moon rises once again

Disappointed that Yue's face didn't appear in the moon and wink

I love the worldbuilding in this movie, what with the war between ChinIndiaRomeJapan and Styrofoam Venice

Oh god it's over what a waste of everyone's time

I barely even drank any alcohol