I wanna do a thread about a weird thing that happened to me at a con back in February, but also more broadly captures a fundamental problem I have with the left -- our collective failure to internalize philosophy beyond a list of bylaws and instructions

Content warnings: This example will be about consent and the language around consent, and I might touch briefly on mentions of sexual assault or violence.

It was the first day of my 4th con ever, and I was walking with some friends to get badges. As I was waiting for them, a woman came up to me with fury in her eyes, and began telling me (a complete stranger) about an issue she had with the culture in LARP.

To be clear, I agreed with her opinions. She was furious about people using RP as an excuse to creep on other people, and she was right. No DOES mean no, consent IS the most important thing, and it's awful that people still constantly challenge that.

But I hadn't consented to be a part of this conversation (or really, monologue) in which she told me all about some frankly deeply triggering stuff. I froze up, literally pinned against a table with my back to the wall, unable to move or do anything but smile.

My friends saw what was happening, and rescued me from the situation (and I owe @NightSkyGames and @lumpleygames endless gratitude for that) but I spent the next three hours curled up in the corner of the lobby calming down from a very internal panic attack.

So a lot of you probably read that and went "Yeah, what she did was wrong!" and like ... yes, yeah. Good work. But I think there's a lot more nuance we can get from this, and I want to take this shitty interaction and maybe extract some value from it.

I think we've all learned the base level consent stuff. "Respect when someone says no" is very entry-level for the left. And we often repeat it like a mantra. But I don't know how many of us have sat down and really internalized what it means.

What is the philosophy behind consent? What do these words MEAN: "respect" "enthusiastic" "no" "yes" "ask" ? These aren't just buzzwords in slogans, they're cornerstones of a philosophy that can inform every interaction you have--if you let it.

And this isn't just about consent! This is about identity as well. Do you say "I accept disabled people" or do you MEAN it, and furthermore, do you understand what it means to mean it? What about people of color? Or queer people? Or poor people? Or all the ways those overlap?

This is how people can say "All Cops Are Bastards" and call the police on violent protestors. This is how people can say "No Means No" and at the same time commit sexual violence. It is our collective responsibility to internalize our philosophy.

This act of internalization is fundamentally about unlearning the way in which our society has shaped us. You will fuck up. I've fucked up. I will fuck up again. But if you view leftism like a set of rules you have to follow, you'll never learn to not fuck up.

I can keep going forever but my head hurts and I need some dinner. I'm happy to chat about this more, but let's keep stuff good faith if possible. If you post in here about SJWs or whatever you're getting blocked

Love y'all, stay safe, let's make things better together.

Extra thought for free—part of me wants to do things about explaining what NO means to me and how it informs my worldview, but the way I got there was so singularly personal and you'll need to walk down your own internalization path and get your own conclusions