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Some days I feel like I am thriving. I love working from home. If I never go to an office again, I’ll be fine. I love spending all my free time with my husband. It’s why we got married, after all. I love not having to sit in traffic, cooking for myself, doing puzzles. /1
But underneath it all is this hum. Like a loud buzzing from a power line that’s way too close to your house. It’s the hum of uncertainty. About all my life plans that have been put on hold. About if it’s safe to see a friend. About if anyone I know is going to die. /2
I am not thriving. None of us are thriving. Existing right now is an act that takes work. Functioning on any professional level takes work. Sleeping takes work. I don’t always nail it. /3
And I’m only talking here about the pandemic and our 6-month quarantine that they’re saying could be an 18-month quarantine. I’m not even talking about the political landscape that would be relentlessly draining even if no one in the world had anything worse than a cold. /4
I’m not even talking about the climate change that will kill us even if we make it through this pandemic intact. It will definitely kill our children, or at least alter their existence on this planet to an untenable one. /5
I’m not even talking about the police brutality and social injustice that are devastating our country and the innocent lives that are being swallowed up by blatant racism and unfettered corruption. /6
I am exceedingly lucky. I have a job, a partner, a home, my health. In our current world, I have it really good. And yet I am still having a hard time coping with our reality. It’s the dense fog of uncertainty. It’s not being able to plan for the future. It& #39;s crippling. /7
I get messages asking for favors. Strangers want Zoom meetings to “pick my brain.” My brain is raw. Leave it alone, I beg you. I get emails I should write back to. I’ve started responding, “I hope you’re coping as well as can be expected” in them. It’s the truest hope I have. /8
I am fighting with a treadmill company online trying to get them to replace a broken electrical panel and I am acting like this victory will save me, like being able to run on a three-foot stretch of rubber in my garage will somehow change everything. /9
I am not thriving. None of us are thriving. I have always been an optimist. I have always looked for silver linings and best case scenarios. I’m still trying. But pretending everything is fine and going to turn out great is not psychologically healthy right now for any of us. /10
My point, if I have one, is this: my God, be forgiving right now. None of us are at our best. Kudos to anyone in a new relationship because you’re in that Marilyn Monroe quote and holy hell, can you imagine the magic when you get to see that person at their best? Buy a ring. /11
If you can’t answer my texts right now, I get it. If you can’t find the motivation to write your dream project, I get it. If you can’t keep to a diet, I get it. It’s all fine. Forgive yourself. Forgive everyone else. Remember that existing right now is an act that takes work. /12
My husband loads the dishwasher and I am grateful for this mundane act of valor. /fin
