if someone, a survivor no less, indulges in toxic behaviour, is it so hard to understand that this is a trauma-born compulsion and that only love, support and nurture will help free them of it?

Laughing at them certainly won't.

1/?

I am a survivor. When i was absolutely riddled with cPTSD, throughout my teens and 20s, i myself engaged in toxic behaviour.

i took drugs
i lied
on occasion, i stole
i FOUGHT LIKE CRAZY with everyone around me, pushed so many people away

why? becos i was 'ToXiC aF'

2/?

this is self-sabotage. a common effect of PTSD. The survivor becomes SUBCONSCIOUSLY convinced that they aren't worthy of love, and couple this with trust issues (bcos natch) and its potency increases.

Some people HAD to walk away from me. I understand that. Completely.

3/?

walking away is one (VALID) thing, sticking around to criticise only convinced me i was right, that i was toxic and undeserving of love.

so i CONTINUED. My self-saboteur, combined with my dissociation and sense of foreshortened future, took complete control of me.

4/?

You know what encouraged me to stop?

LOVE
COMPASSION
UNDERSTANDING
SUPPORT

these things tell us that, in fact, the screaming PTSD banshees are wrong. they told me i was fixable. maybe, one day, loveable.

and you know what? (you do)

5/?

i healed. i loved myself and i trusted others who wanted to love me too.

and that's just facts. it is how it works. you might not want it to be, but it is.

and this is why i will NEVER turn my back on a survivor. NEVER tell them they are undeserving of love.

6/?

i will FIGHT that toxicity, my own and others', with great big bombs of LOVE.

Today, i AM loved. i AM worthy of love. And i'm happy.

But i have no time for people who attack survivors. None.

7/end

ADDENDUM:

It IS okay to walk away. If you don't have the spoons. It is completely valid, if you simply cannot stick around.

it's the ones that turn their hatred upon us that can go get fucked.