FFS I’m sitting next to a covid divorce discussion
I only wanted mash n pie

My night off the quiz and I am probably listening to the most depressing conversation ever
Her: I don’t hate you I just don’t love you
Him: 10 years - what will your parents say
Her: At last

Him: It is about stress and seeing too much of each other
Her: Please stop shouting
Him: this is important

Her: Tell me one thing about me you love
Me:

He has gone to the toilet

Back from toilet
Him: We are a team and always have been

Her: that is us not me
Me: thinking ‘that hurts’

Him: let’s book a holiday

Her: I’m going to Julie’s for the weekend

Him: do you want to order food
Her: not really

He has ordered scampi and chips
I’m not sure that has helped

Her: I’m going for a fag

I want my pie now!

His scampi and chips has arrived
My pie hasn’t
She is eating his chips

My pie has arrived

Him: we could go to Greece
Her: I’m going to Julie’s
Him: Next weekend

Him: or Turkey, you always like Turkey

Her: I’ve always hated Turkey and you never noticed

Him: but we always has a good time and your parents loved it

Her: yes they did and so did you but that is the problem

Him: I could come with you to Julie’s
Her: No! These chips are good

Him: think about this for a bit - we have a good life and maybe we can sort it out
Her: Just has me thing about me

Him: let’s go away this weekend
Her: I’ve told you I’m going to Julie’s
Him: I’m trying to save our marriage I can’t do this alone

Her: I’ve told your mum
Me

He has asked for apple pie and custard

One bowl - two spoons - they are sharing
Maybe, just maybe ...

I really want this to be the best apple pie ever

Her: you’ve got custard on your tie

They’ve left together