I Get that, on a structural level, all other things being equal, men have more power than people who aren't men, and I Get that individual men often take advantage of that power and embrace toxic masculinity — i have been hurt, deeply and repeatedly, by specific men — but...

...i think our analysis of how we relate to specific individuals in our lives has to go beyond a demographic checklist. i don't think "invest 0 emotional energy in any men under any voluntary circumstances" is a viable normative politic, and it troubles me to see it bandied about

people should, certainly, face consequences for their specific choices as individuals, but "being a man" is not a choice like that, and its consequence should not be, must not be ostracization from anyone who isn't also a man. that is not a viable politic

("men", of course, isn't a monolithic category. there are trans men, Black men, Indigenous men, undocumented men, queer men, disabled men, men at the intersections of all these and more. i would turn my back on none of them as demographics any more than i would turn my back...

(...on specific individual white cishet able-bodied etc men i know who are kind, generous, thoughtful people, passionate advocates for Justice, who have been safe havens for me in times of distress. i will not abandon friends because of their *genders*)

i understand, as an individual, being wary around men as a result of trauma. again, i have been traumatized by men. but i have been traumatized by women, too. the most recent abusive people i have had to cut ties with have been nonbinary people

foregoing the company of men will not keep us safe, physically or emotionally, on an individual level, and it certainly will not dismantle the patriarchy on a societal level. gender separatism is not the answer. our solidarity must run deeper than that

dismantling systems of power is about dismantling *systems* of power, not about trying to pre-emptively punish, on an individual level, everyone who has more power than you in one of those systems

and that's what i have to say about that on this Day of Our Bisexuality. people who are in community with men are not The Enemy, and treating them as such will not lead us to queer liberation. individuals are individuals; systems are systems; don't conflate the two

ok bye! be excellent to each other!