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I’ve often said that I don’t ask anyone to use my “preferred” pronouns. This is something that I still stand by. With the exception of a friend a few years ago- who seemed to struggle over what pronoun to use & it created awkward social situations. I helped him figure it out.
I’ve allowed people to make their own decisions and most people do get there. I find it rather humiliating to ask or demand someone to use a “preferred” pronoun. So, I don’t play along with that game. I’ll step in if it seems they want guidance but I won’t, otherwise.
Don’t get me wrong, though. It’s obvious when someone is deliberately referring to me as she/her in a way to insult who I am. There’s a difference in how someone uses a pronoun. For some people, it might take a while and for others...they just want to demean you. Don’t let them.
In regards to my family, I’ve often said that the way they deal/see me will be entirely differently than anyone else. I can understand how I’ll always be a daughter or sister to my family. They lived with me. They’ve seen me grow as a little girl to a woman. And now- a man.
To expect them to instantly embrace my new identity and erase my past would be wrong. Not just wrong but an insult to our history together. Memories can not be erased. And many of my memories with family is filled with love & laughter. Why pretend they never happened?
Both my brother and father were able to ease into the idea of having a brother/son with less struggle than my mother and sister. Though, to be fair, it’s hard to say that they see me as a man but perhaps just understand things have changed and male pronouns make more sense.
I can’t imagine growing up with a sister and suddenly having a new brother. It must be odd at the very least. My sister & I are very different in personality/behavior. What we had in common was the fact that we were female. I understood what being a woman in society meant for us.
No one in my family ever betrayed or disowned who I was because I’m a transsexual man. No, they didn’t affirm my gender right away but they didn’t stop loving who I am. The idea of acceptance has changed to expect someone to immediately embrace and celebrate your identity.
Things take time. No different than the journey of becoming Mars-it will also take time for family and friends to adapt to Mars. Making peace with this allowed me to not rely on validation as much as others do. I’ve been living legally as Mars since 2018 with my families support.
Recovering from top surgery (mastectomy) over the past week has been surreal. First, I didn’t think I’d ever get to this point in my transition as soon as I did. Second, I feel like any chance of feeling depression from dysphoria has been smashed. Lastly...
The endless amount of support from family, friends, and my followers is unbelievably amazing. I don’t ask for a lot and to see people just...get to this place of being supportive and caring is so cool. To end this long thread, though, I have to share something deeply cool.
My mother is the most stubborn person you’ll ever meet. While this is really annoying at times. It is mostly a blessing because it’s through her “don’t give up” attitude that I’ve become the man that I am today. She believes people can persevere if they keep going. 
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With that said, she was very heartbroken to learn that I was medically transitioning. It took her time to let go of the idea that I would change my mind. She didn’t force her opinion on me but let me know WHY she was concerned & reassured me that she loved me no matter what.
Like I said, I never asked her to change anything. Both of my therapists have shown concern in my lack of wanting to address this issue. But, that’s just it- I never saw it as an issue. I’ve always seen it as a process and her way of dealing...and I wanted to respect it.
When it came time to let my parents know about top surgery. I just let them know about it. I said, surgery is happening in the next month. She said, are you sure about this? I said, mom, even if I wasn’t transitioning...you know I’ve never liked that part of me. She dropped it.
My mother has struggled in switching pronouns and we’ve never talked about it. I want her to get there on her own like everyone else. She has at times, used both she/him pronouns in a conversation with me. Could be intentional or not. Who knows. I just knew she was processing.
Today I received this from my mom. Basically, she is saying that she hopes I’m doing well. She also said take care and don’t be doing anything crazy, haha. The last part she intentionally refers to me as pa (masculine pronoun) instead of ma..for the first time, ever. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">
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