Read on Twitter
The hallmark cardinal rules of BDSM: a thread https://twitter.com/cruelmistresses/status/1016065873457631233
1-SAFE: BEFORE play, a LONG discussion of limits need to be had. A safe word needs to be implemented (no sub in the world can say they have no limits-if they swear, that is not sane (see # 2). This is not optional. You also need safety things nearby (first aid/scissors/water)
2-SANE: you both MUST be honest about intentions, expectations, abilities, training, & experience. If you arenât experienced, you need to do research. You wouldnât interview for a job you arenât qualified/well educated on. This translates to kink as well. Donât do anything stupid
3-CONSENSUAL: you both have to WANT all of your agreements. A BDSM contract is very helpful (Iâve linked an ex of one). No one should ever practice any form of BDSM just to make someone happy OR MAKE MONEY (looking @ you TikTok dommes).
https://www.domsubliving.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Contract.pdf
https://www.domsubliving.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Contract.pdf
These rules are what separates BDSM from criminal, abusive, and dangerous behavior.  Have fun, make money, but make sure to always play responsibly. ïżŒAs the service provider (which is exactly what sex work is: providing a service) these responsibilities fall on YOU.
Examples of safety: a further thread:
1-educate yourself on the tools and toys you use. Know that not all whips are made equal. Caning is different than cat of nine tails is different than an iPhone cord (my fave).
Examples: https://sextoycollective.com/bdsm-gear/bdsm-sex-whips-and-floggers/
1-educate yourself on the tools and toys you use. Know that not all whips are made equal. Caning is different than cat of nine tails is different than an iPhone cord (my fave).
Examples: https://sextoycollective.com/bdsm-gear/bdsm-sex-whips-and-floggers/
2- educate yourself on how to use these toys. Where to hit, the damage they inflict, and ways to hit.
Anatomy examples: https://www.devianceanddesire.com/2014/12/bdsm-impact-play-safe-zones/
Examples: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.allure.com/story/impact-play-spanking-sex-tips-guide/amp
Anatomy examples: https://www.devianceanddesire.com/2014/12/bdsm-impact-play-safe-zones/
Examples: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.allure.com/story/impact-play-spanking-sex-tips-guide/amp
3-stop being selfish. Sex work is WORK. YOU are providing a service. Dommes are in control but subs GIVE US THAT CONTROL. Itâs important to know what you can offer and what they want. Clarity/mutuality is paramount to play.
Example of interviewing a sub: https://www.devianceanddesire.com/download/5398/
Example of interviewing a sub: https://www.devianceanddesire.com/download/5398/
4-wax play (again a personal fave). Education is necessary. Did you know not all wax is the same? that colored wax is hotter than white? Read the following:
https://www.devianceanddesire.com/download/5398/
There are shops that sell wax specifically FOR WAX PLAY.
My fave: https://www.etsy.com/listing/79479478/wax-play-pitcher-candle-low-temp-kink?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=wax+play+candles&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&bes=1&col=1
https://www.devianceanddesire.com/download/5398/
There are shops that sell wax specifically FOR WAX PLAY.
My fave: https://www.etsy.com/listing/79479478/wax-play-pitcher-candle-low-temp-kink?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=wax+play+candles&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&bes=1&col=1
Follow up to wax play: canât say it enough. Use wax DESIGNATED FOR PLAY. Your pumpkin spice bath and body works candle may smell divine, but youâll literally do more damage.
More literature on it: https://www.google.com/amp/s/kinkysprinkles.com/2017/10/13/kinky-crash-course-wax-play/amp/
More literature on it: https://www.google.com/amp/s/kinkysprinkles.com/2017/10/13/kinky-crash-course-wax-play/amp/
5- bondage play! Beautiful & dangerous. What knots do I do? What do I use to tie? Where do I tie them to avoid health risks? What about choking/gagging? Where do I LEARN HOW TO UNTIE THE DAMN KNOTS?
Practice. Practice. Practice. Before play.
Read more: https://www.theduchy.com/courses/safety/
Practice. Practice. Practice. Before play.
Read more: https://www.theduchy.com/courses/safety/
6 & MOST important. AFTERCARE. Read it again. AFTERCARE. This prevents the serious psychological/physical/emotional damage BDSM can induce. Aftercare is different for everyone, be sure to discuss what your sub needs to stay safe. https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-aftercare
Iâll be adding to this as I find more resources, but thatâs all thatâs coming to mind right now. Iâm a paid professional and personal domme, as well as a sex therapist. Iâm more than happy to provide further resources to anyone new to kink. See ya for now :) stay safe!
Andddd Iâm back seven minutes later. CBT. Cock and ball torture. You think itâs easy? Think the fuck again. Conversations about boundaries and education on safety is CRUCIAL. Watch porn on it. Read on it. Iâve linked both.
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f2ca49454843 https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-aftercare
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f2ca49454843 https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-aftercare
Consent non-consent play: AKA r*pe play. In my opinion, the most dangerous. The prerequisites to CNC play are exhaustive & non negotiable. Itâs complicated for a reason and conversations need to be had MULTIPLE times beforehand. (1/4)
(2/4): goals, hard and soft limits, role play, tools needed, logistics, level of intensity/toughness (Biting/Choking/Hair pulling/Hitting/Kicking/Pinching/ Punching/Scratching/Slapping/bruising/fighting back), AFTERCARE. Iâve linked a basic checklist https://www.google.com/amp/s/bound-together.net/cnc/amp/
(3/4): THEY write the scene. YOU follow. The sub who is âattackedâ indicates what they want that to look like, who is âattackingâ DOES stray from those boundaries. Create an unusual safe word so even if saying âno! stop!â wonât stop the scene (because they agreed that it wonât).
(4/4). Unique safe words indicate when to stop. If the sub wants to âfight backâ then yelling âNo, stop!â May be acceptable. Yelling something ridiculous like âAVOCADOâ can provide a clear message to cut it. And lastly-AFTERCARE IS ESSENTIAL
Follow up to aftercare because 4 tweets donât cut it: aftercare is essential for you both. Practicing CNC is a different level. It can inflict severe damage on either/both if done incorrectly. The more intense the CNC, the more aftercare is required.
Encourage talking about what they liked and didnât like immediately after ot. My advice is to ask âWhat did you like/dislike the most?â In addition, the days after there should be check-ins & communication. Other examples: https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-aftercare
Iâll keep adding to this! Let me know what topics you want to hear about :)
