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I've struggled with internalised homophobia for too long, when I first liked someone it hit me so hard I couldnt breathe. Growing up and living in a homophobic society sucks, but I hope more people would be able to come in terms with themselves a little easier, in their own time. https://twitter.com/water_nelon/status/1308597596995420160
I still don't have a label for myself and I'm too scared to look for one. Sometimes the lack of it bothers me and sometimes I find security in it. I hope one day I can get rid of the "probably" before a label and truly embrace it. Or embrace the fact that I don't need labels.
Even now I sometimes wish I was more like other people around me. I hope one day I'll be strong enough to get over this dilemma. One day I won't feel frustrated for not being more like them, and for not liking who they want me to, and for not feeling the ways in supposed to.
Even if living in a society that's not largely homophobic is a fever dream, something unreachable probably, it's still the only thing that keeps me going. And I'll probably keep this hope alive till the end because I won't know what to do with myself without it.
And even if the society as whole remains unchanged, I hope I can find a little corner for myself where I wont be policed as not being "normal" and even if I'm all alone in my corner, I hope I can be happy nonetheless, because I would still have myself and that's all that matters.
