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So, let me share this thread to you. I don't know if it's funny or what, but it's really dumb. So here goes.
Last night I was already aiming for sleep, it was already very late. It's almost 4 in the morning when I thought about harry styles on ellen's burning questions where she asked what was harry's greatest fear (something like that) and he answered 'dying'–
At first I kinda smiled because I remembered his face when he said 'that was dark' (really, that's funny). Anyway, like what I was saying, I was thinking about that then I thought, maybe if I also have people who loves me so much, money to buy what I want, people who value me–
And such amazing artistry maybe I will also fear death. (It's not that I'm not scared, it's just that I don't put so much thought about it. Everyone dies, even if they don't want to.) Then I remembered what my friend told me about her friends sister. The kid, (she's, I think, 14)
Okay, so the kid got her heart broken and hung herself. When her brother found her, she's barely alive but her condition's not good. She died that day and her last word were 'I'm scared'.
And this is where it got worse. At first I thought of her condition like, 'is she okay now?' 'Did she regret it?' And 'WHERE IS SHE NOW?' from that, it goes to, 'where does the soul of people who died goes?' (yeah, it got pretty far.)
I even started questioning things that people believe in. Like the existence of heaven and hell, and even reincarnation. (I'm so sorry about this.) I thought, what if this life is the only life I will get to live? What if I died not being able to do what I want to do? What if–
–I die tommorow? What about those who are born with disabilities? It's kinda unfair for them, isn't it? (Please, don't get me wrong. My friends told me I intend to overthink things so much. I'm sorry.) What about the babies who died on birth?
Really, I can't control my thoughts when I start thinking. It just gets further and further and then at the end, I'll end up feeling bad then just start to cry.(At this point, I feel like I'm questioning God. I feel like I was betraying him by having these thoughts.) I'm already–
Starting to feel small, because of that. I'm ashamed and just started to shed tears. I'm muttering 'sorry' and 'please forgive me' over and over. I feel so bad.
Then my sister who sleeps beside me, rolled over and nuzzled in my shoulder and that's when I snapped out of it. I laughed realizing what just happened and I thought, 'harry styles, I blame you.'
End of thread.
