Thread by @vlushii, lingyi au where zizhen bribes the two idiots into confessions and of [...]

lingyi au where zizhen bribes the two idiots into confessions and of course chaotic shenanigans ensue w sizhui mentally just being like this in the bg

zizhen: can i make u confess ur undenying passionate love towards the young mistress or do u wanna bet
jingyi: why wld i agree to that
zizhen: i'll give u 5 dollars
jingyi, alr pocketing the money away: i cant believe u also u owe me more than that
zizhen:
jingyi:

zizhen: i'll treat u to chicken nuggets
jingyi: say no more

i have a feeling that jingyi is just . ukno he's willing to do anything for free stuff , he's broke wbk he's cheap and a freeloader , like all asians r , grabbing free samples from food and piling them onto a paper plate serving as a three star course meal at best ok he's jingyi

sizhui, materialising out of thin air beside zizhen: I Have A Feeling Things Are Not Going To End Well
zizhen, alr pulling out his 4k hd camera to spy on the idiot lovebirds: what makes u say that
sizhui: where did you get that camera from
zizhen: stole it
sizhui: Ouyang ZiZhen.

jingyi in this au is successfully bribed bc eventually one day he /is/ not going to be able to hide his feelings while i feel like jin ling is just going to have this . gazing into the future epiphany one day when he's talking to zizhen and ranting abt jingyi

zizhen:
jin ling: so jingyi
zizhen: i didn't even say anything yet
jin ling: don't u think it's absolutely fuming how jingyi does not absolutely care abt his hair one bit , its so short and messy why even leave it to shoulder mid length it's absolutely wild and drives me insane

zizhen, pulling out his notepad from the void: oh , inch resting ? why does it drive u insane , my dear friend ? lay down lay down , i am all ears , let me be ur therapist for the day

jin ling: because . its so messy and wild and the idiot doesnt even know how to tend for his hair properly , but it still looks kinda good in a way
zizhen, vibrating at a frequency that can shatter glass: go on , do u think jingyi's hair is pretty then ?
jin ling, quietly: maybe

zizhen, internally: HOLY FUCK
zizhen: maybe u should say that to him
jin ling: what , that i think his hair is pretty ?
zizhen: yes ?
jin ling: No I Do Not Think I Will

zizhen :

zizhen: why not ? u cld boost jingyi's confidence a little , i've noticed it's been a little low these days , he's doubting himself again
jin ling, rolling up his sleeves, prepared to get into a fist fight down the block in a sketchy looking alleyway : Whomst.

bc in jin ling's mind , only HE is allowed to make fun of jingyi , only HE is allowed to poke and tease jingyi , HIM . only HE . there can only be one .

and then jin ling's epiphany hits him and he's just like

zizhen, seeing jin ling in this surprised state with wide eyes and parted lips: 'ooh boy it's gonna happen , jin ling's going to realise his feelings ~~ where's my camera , sizhui what are you doing here'
sizhui, appearing: you texted me 5 times to get here What Do You Mean

zizhen, pulling sizhui down next to him: sit down sit down the show's about to start !!!
jin ling: i think
zizhen: HERE IT COMES PEOPLE !!
jin ling : u shld be my practice partner so when i tell jingyi his hair is pretty , it doesn't sound weird
zizhen:
sizhui:

zizhen, turning to sizhui in silence with a tear streaming down his face while he mouths the words: he's hopeless

zizhen, recovering from his breakdown a bit too cheerfully as he claps his hands 2gether: alright ! show me what you got then
jin ling: oh uh /clears throat/ we're really doing this here right now uh ahem cough
sizhui, silently handing jin ling a strepsil:

jin ling: so. um.
zizhen: yes
jin ling: your hair
zizhen: go on
jin ling: it looks ,,, your hair ,,, it ,,
zizhen: (oh for fuck's sake this catboy)
jinling: it looks weird
zizhen, hands in his hair:

zizhen: ok repeat after me
jin ling: after me
zizhen:
zizhen: i will give you 10 seconds before i chuck your behind into the 4th dimension, do not test me

zizhen: say the word "pretty" ok, surely u cannot mess up from saying just one word . repeat after me . "Pretty."
jin ling, trying his best: preuty
zizhen: no

zizhen: p r e t t y
jinling: pruny

and this goes on for a while until zizhen finally gives up in tears and sizhui suggests changing the word "pretty" to "nice", because certainly there is nothing homoerotic abt saying ur homie's hair is looking nice , right ?

and then the day finally comes for jin ling's doomsdayville when the perfect oppurtunity comes as class has just ended — (the timeline is that the juniors r all in highschool, perfect season for ripe slow burn relationships) — and students + teachers r out of the classroom

jin ling stayed behind :) bc :) he saw jingyi :) sleeping on a desk as usual :) and he just wants to savour the sweet moment :) where jingyi isn't usually yelling at him every 20 seconds for breathing :)

jin ling: ok i can do this /walking towards asleep jingyi with shaky legs like a baby newborn fawn/

also jin ling, abruptly turning around: I Can Not Do This

jin ling uses the last method he has with all his courage mustered up as he faces the corner of the wall and yells at the top of his voice: LAN JINGYI

jingyi, spooken and awake: ABRAHAM LINCOLN 1809

jin ling: what
jingyi, turning around to see jin ling still faced to the wall: what

jin ling, prepared to risk and lose it all: YOUR HAIR LOOKS PRETTY
jingyi, unable to hear jin ling's outburst muffled by his face facing the wall: what ?
jin ling, turning around and making it a run for it, dashing past jingyi, face red: I SAID YOUR HAIR LOOKS SHITTY

jingyi comes to school the next day sulking n absolutely miserable :( he knows his hair isn't as elegant and smooth looking as sizhui's , but was it that bad ? later from jin ling's outburst he trudged his way to the nearest bath and body's workshop to purchase a few things

he just !! wants to make his hair look a little better that's all !! maybe smell something more different like vanilla daisies or smth , totally not to impress jin ling or anything !! and zizhen notices the different shampoo scent of jingyi and is just , third eye awakening

zizhen: what is wrong , soulmate ?
jingyi, still sulking: jin ling said my hair looked shitty
zizhen, not expecting jin ling to switch the words "pretty" with "shitty" and is overwhelming torn between tearing his hair out and comforting jingyi : He What

jingyi, with tears:

zizhen: ok . hang on . what the fuck . wait . give me a second . hold on . back up . lord give me strength . /pulls out his phone to text sizhui in giving him some moral support — in which sizhui replies with a bunch of love memes the very next second — /

zizhen: how about , you decorate it a little more ?
jingyi: ???
zizhen, plucking a small flower from the grass and tucking it in jingyi's hair: like this
jingyi: ?@#??@$ lans aren't supposed to overdress with excessive asscessories
zizhen: u r lan jingyi
jingyi: fair enough

jingyi comes skipping into class with a bunch of little flowers in his hair like that one scene from rapunzel and ofc jin ling notices at first and he doesn't think much abt it but then . oho he takes a double take . and then .

jin ling's mind: BARK WOOF GRR
jingyi: greetings young mistress
jin ling: hhHhh
jingyi: Are You Okay
jin ling: wurhguhr
jingyi: blink twice if you need help , how many fingers am i holding up right now /holds up his pinky/

and then in the midst of gay panicking and being a disaster on the daily basis , jin ling doesn't think twice before he lifts up his own pinky and intertwines it with jingyi's own :) and it's like they're doing a little pinky promise and the both of them go silent

zizhen, walking in at the right time: oho
also zizhen, running out and back to sizhui: LINGYI NATION HAS MADE SOME PROGRESS !!!
sizhui: lingyi what ?

jingyi, sweating: aha uh ,, jin ling?

and then jin ling realises it but it's a little too late, and he yanks his pinky finger away like he's been burnt , and he does not miss the way jingyi's crest-fallen expression and eyes filled with hurt cracks smth inside him a little

jin ling: just . forget what happened
jingyi, quietly: forget ?

meanwhile zizhen peeking out from the nearest window w his 4k hd camera he stole/borrowed from the photography club as he zooms into lingyi's disastrous conversation: JIN LING NOOO

jin ling: it's nothing , i was just being stupid

and. now . jingyi knows it's /something/ if jin ling will go out of his way to insult himself bc ?? jingyi has never once seen jin ling look so down and upset with himself , something must be wrong and so , his expression softens

bc jingyi knows from first hand experience that jin ling hasn't really coped well with his emotions, he either bottles them all up or unleashes them in a fury all at once , nd it does more damage to jin ling himself than to others around him and so , jingyi gently reaches for him

jingyi: you weren't being stupid , don't call yourself that
jin ling: i spoke like a caveman 2 minutes ago what are you on
jingyi: coke, but anyways, don't belittle yourself , okay ?

and then, a bit quieter and more honest this time, he says: "only i can make fun of you."

jin ling, wheezing like an old dog: ᵒᵏ

maybe his heart skips a beat or two , perhaps it just completely goes still and dead , and he is in the afterphase of death , collapsing from his heart entering stage 1 of cardiac arrest , who knows

and then he must've blacked out or something , because when he comes to , they're in band class now , and jingyi is sitting cross legged in front of him with flowers still in his hair as he holds a guitar and points to jin ling saying: "this one's for you" with a wink

and jin ling knows this is jingyi's awkward way of comforting him, because the two of them have been so used to throwing threats and swear words at each other, that acting a bit more soft and gentle around each other feels new and a bit weird , but in a way , jin ling likes it

and the way jingyi strums an off-key note on the guitar and says: "i love you," makes jin ling's heart soar out through his chest, but then — "bitch" comes afterwards , but the fond smile on jin ling's face does not go away

it shouldn't be endearing, it shouldn't make jin ling smile like a doof in love, it shouldn't make jin ling feel more happier and ease whenever he's around jingyi , but all of that goes thrown out the window whenever jingyi smiles sheepishly at him , eyes turning into crescents

and then . it hits him .

oh, capitalised and bold, 54 enlarged size, times new roman font on a blank google doc, he realises it.

he's in love, and perhaps he's fallen way too deep and too hard in to even realise it in the first place

jin ling grabs the nearest thing to him in panic , because . and to his surprise , or maybe not , he grabs a guitar . and then there's this period of silence where both jin ling and jingyi stare at each other with a guitar in each hand , like they were facing off a rodeo

"what the fuck", jin ling strums the guitar "holy fuck"

and then jingyi burts into fits of giggles and the awkward tension between them dissipates and , yeah , things are somewhat back to normal , for now . and maybe jin ling selfishly wants it to stay that way forever

the 2nd time jin ling suffers another minor aneurysm , is not too far later in the future , when school has just ended and the rain just starts pouring buckets instead , not even buckets of cheese for that metaphor , and jin ling spots jingyi in the rain like that

well jingyi is not /technically/ in the rain , but he's standing and shuffling awkward near the entrance of the school , looking up at the sky with a stink eye as he is shieled underneath the very small 2 inch roof that hides him from the rain

he does not have an umbrella

jin ling: why r u still here
jingyi: why r u not here

jingyi: i forgot my umbr-
jin ling, loudly, shoving his own bright yellow umbrella into jingyi's hands: HERE
jingyi:
jingyi: thanks but how r /u/ going to get home?
jin ling: (oh shit i didn't think of that)
jin ling, still yelling: WE CAN SHARE
jingyi:
jingyi: ok weirdo

and then

they walk under the rain with jin ling's obnoxious bright umbrella shielding them from the rain

it seems romantic

but then

jingyi: why am /i/ holding the umbrella
jin ling: why not
jingyi: 1, i am not ur slave , 2, ur taller than me
jin ling: haha tiny

jingyi proceeds to kick jin ling in the shins , in which , ok fair , and so jin ling snatches the umbrella back in his hands but then . perhaps his force is a bit too hard, because the balance of the umbrella shifts and ends up a bit tilted, pouring rain down on jingyi's head

jingyi: What The Fuck
jin ling, taking his chance: oh ur drenched—
jingyi: yea no shit sherlock
jin ling: —how about u come over to my place so i can lend u some clothes?
jingyi:
jingyi: are you trying to flex on me with your money

all the time jin ling is cursing under his breath from the dating tip advice app on his phone he downloaded and got advice from an anonymous user who advised him to show off to ur partner that u r financially stable

jin ling, grabbing anonymous's collar: IS THIS HOW IT WORKS

they get to jin ling's home , thankfully it is empty bc otherwise his mom , jiang yanli would probably fuss over how he didn't take care of jingyi who was now dripping wet from head to toe in a non sexual way from the rain

jin ling, annoucing loudly: THIS IS MY HUMBLE ABODE

jingyi: yea i can see that

and then jin ling just . becomes the embodiment of that one meme where a person throws up a peace sign , n vanishes into thin air . and then jingyi is left alone in this godly sized mansion that is jin ling's home . tour of the house w/o the tourist

jingyi assumes jin ling has just gone into one of the many rooms to bring back clothes for him to change into , or smth , is what he hopes at least . so he takes his chance to look around the room a bit which is dimmly lit with molten candlewax up from the chandelier

jingyi to god: why am i not this rich

jin ling, re-amerging from the 3rd dimension: I Have Brought Clothes

and then . maybe its not straight to have your mouth hanging wide open as u stare at ur best friend's body figure that is dripping with water , — jin ling did u sweat —

as the white shirt practically acts transparent and then farewell god, jingyi thinks, and then he prepares to mentally pack his bags and live on mars because HOoOuuGHH

jingyi, mouth dry, staring at jin ling's body in a maybe not so appropriate way: so do u come here often

jin ling: jingyi this is my home , i live here

jingyi: yea i knew that
jin ling:
jin ling: ok whatever here's ur clothes /proceeds to catapult them into jingyi's face/

n then maybe it's jin ling's fault for not pointing out where the bathrooms are , and maybe it's jingyi's fault for not having more than 1 braincell because

jingyi proceeds to put those newly fresh clothes jin ling has given him , right on top of his own drenched clothes . in which , lan jingyi why

but then jin ling's thoughts vanish as he sees jingyi struggling to poke his head through the t-shirt hole , and its awfully endearing

jingyi, still struggling to fit his big head through the t shirt hole: you know maybe this would be more easier if u helped
jin ling, going over to help him: but it's fun watching u struggle like a 2 yr old infant at times
jingyi: I Hope You Choke On A Cactus

they eventually manage to make way for jingyi's head to fit through , and it awfully looks like jingyi is really an infant who just got birthed out of his mother's womb in a way .

and then , half of jingyi's face pokes through, hair tusseled messy and eyes blinking owlishly and

jin ling might have suffered from another heart attack , eyes staringly directly to jingyi's flushed pink nose and perhaps he wants to boop it a bit , kiss it , maybe vore it , he does not know .

"hi." jingyi says as he puts the shirt on correctly in an incorrect way

"hi." jin ling says back, voice a little more weaker and punched out from his throat this time

at this point jin ling just . completely forgets that jingyi is wearing His Clothes over on top of his wet ones , and it probably must be uncomfortable , but jingyi's face does not show any sign of discomfort , eyes bright and sparkling like fresh dew on cobwebs on a rainy day

the rain stops , and it's the exact moment that the two of them break eye contact

jingyi: i shld probably go home now

jin ling: yea ok whatever go ahead
also jin ling:

jingyi, obviously seeing jin ling's sad puppy eye state and feeling bad , also he does /kinda/ wanna hang around just a little bit longer: maybe i should stay for a while ?

jin ling: yea ok whatever go ahead
also jin ling, living his best life:

after that whole fiasco , jin ling suggests that they go back up to his room to finish up their homework and continue their gay panicking suffering there , and jingyi is just . he's coy ok , he likes teasing the young mistress but then .

jingyi: oh no dear mistress , this mansion is far too wide for what i am used to , what if i get lost ? can i hold your hand for guidance ?

n hes obviously saying this to make jin ling bark an insult at him or act embarrassed with a very pretty blush on his cheeks like usual

but then it surprises jingyi when jin ling /actually/ complies , not before a grumble or two — yep, there's the pretty blush — before grabbing his hand in a rough manner, but their fingers slotted between one another fitting in between gaps is more gentle this time

and then !!! they're holding hands !!! jingyi's mind sounds the red alarms and oh my god !!! keep it together lan jingyi !! wait we're holding hands !!! me !!! the young mistress !!! holding hands !!! where is zizhen when u need him to take a good picture of this

ok anyways they r in jin ling's room this time

and i'm totally not projecting my mental breakdown sufferings while reviewing for my upcoming math exams or anything , but jingyi gets this amazing idea where he saw people confess to their loved ones with a math equation or smth

and it sounds nerdy , but its quirky , and its lan jingyi . so its perfect !! so he whips up his pen and steadily writes with the neatest handwriting he can , the said math equation :

9x-7i > 3(3x-7u)

they've studied math involving constants before , this shouldnt be hard right ? jin ling is obviously smart , right ??

jingyi stealthily slides the piece of folded paper over to jin ling where he is grumbling many profanities underneath his breath trying to figure out y's exes

jingyi, subtly: hey can u solve this equation for me
jin ling: why , i have my own suffering and homework to do
jingyi: i'll give u 2 dollars
jin ling: 3
jingyi: 2
jin ling: 4
jingyi: that's not how bargaining works oh my god ok fine /proceeds to rain money down on jin ling/

jin ling, already seeing numbers and giving up on his will to live: this has letters , no i'm not doing this , u can have ur 4 dollars back
jingyi: what , are you too chicken to ?
jin ling: no
jingyi: bwak bwak
jin ling, teeth gritted as he grabs his phone: siri—

jingyi, panicking: wait no that's cheating
jin ling: but u do this all the time
jingyi: but that's not fair !!!! aren't u smart ??
jin ling, afraid that he'll seem dumb: pft of course i am
jingyi: then solve this equation for me , then the 4 dollars are yours

jin ling, cracking his knuckles: ok do i solve for i or u ?
jingyi, proud w himself: u

( a few minutes later pass by w jingyi watching over jin ling like a hawk )

jin ling: so i dont know if this is right , it looks a bit off
jingyi: What Do You Mean it says i <3 u r u blind

jin ling: exactly, the letter i is less than 3 times the letter u ?? does that not look a bit weird , i haven't even seen this type of question on our math syllabus
jingyi, wanting to tear his hair out: (is he really this dumb , i refuse to believe it )

jingyi: young mistress have you never heard of text word short hand codes ?
jin ling: short hand morse code ?
jingyi: I Am Close To Self Obliterating

jingyi: you know how to type happy faces onto your keyboard , right ? please tell me you do (please tell me i am not in love with an ancient fossil from 2000 B.C.E)
jin ling: you mean emojis ?
jingyi: jin ling please

jingyi: OKAY HERE

and then jingyi proceeds to aggressively scribble out the little ":)" on a blank piece of paper, and jin ling just stares at it like it's a foreign language aliens speak to him .

jingyi, a bit desperate: tilt ur head sideways u'll see it better

jin ling tilts his head , and it should not be the exact image flashing in jingyi's mind that resembles a little puppy tilting it's head , and it's not cute whatsoever , but why does jingyi all of a sudden want to crawl into a cave and eat rocks alone in the dark ?

jin ling, finally after 23 long agonizing seconds: oh i see it now
jingyi, reviving: YES THANK THE LORD
jin ling: so it's literally just a colon and a parenthesis mark ?
jingyi: yes
jin ling: it looks dumb
jingyi: (My Dude I Am Trying To Tell You That I Am In Love With You)

jingyi: can you shut up for one minute
jin ling: h
jingyi: /proceeds to write <3 on the piece of paper/ ok . now tilt ur head sideways and see what it is
jin ling:
jin ling: a heart?
jingyi: YES

jin ling: /glancing back towards the equation jingyi had written for him in confusion/
jingyi: YES
jin ling: i heart u ?
jingyi: CLOSE BUT YES
jin ling: /narrowing his eyes/ does the teacher have a crush on you
jingyi: NO

jingyi eventually gives up bc . i guess this confirms that the both of them share one braincell and they've both mutually agreed that they have both lost it .

but it's not the end just yet !!! because one day zizhen shows up looking all smug and jingyi knows it's not a good idea

zizhen: so
jingyi, standing up: I Think I Must Go Now

and then zizhen proceeds to wrestle jingyi into sitting back down and it's the exact same moment sizhui decides to walk in and then he sees zizhen and jingyi tumbling on the grass , and he just . walks away

zizhen: do you like free food
jingyi, already still: do you even need to ask
zizhen: great, do you like cake then
jingyi: i like anything that's high in calories and cuts off years of my life span , why are you asking
zizhen: so there's this wedding cake test thing

zizhen, clamping his hand over jingyi's mouth so the other does not talk over his sentence: and it's free sample testing for couples who r getting married soon
jingyi: (I Do Not Like Where This Is Going)
zizhen: so you know what that means
jingyi: No I Do Not

zizhen: u could use this oppurtunity to get free food with jin ling !! doesn't that work out
jingyi: he doesn't even like me
zizhen:

zizhen: both of you like free stuff , especially if its food , why not give it a try ?
jingyi: r u sure thats going to work
zizhen, already grabbing a hammer in case jin ling doesn't agree to this: yea totally i got ur back
jingyi: where did u get that hammer from put that down

the wedding cake test is conveniently right after school ends on a friday , and it only limits the amount of customers and time for each couple , so jingyi has to plan things out faster than sonic on roller blades

jingyi walking up to jin ling: Do You Want To Get Married

jin ling: @#?$?213/4/1P42$;;214#4!
jingyi: is that a yes
jin ling: are you proposing to me right now
jingyi: i don't know
jin ling: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW
jingyi, equally yelling back: THERE'S THIS WEDDING CAKE TEST THING ZIZHEN RECOMMENDED ME
jin ling: SO

jingyi: AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE
jin ling: AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART
jingyi: you know what i can just ask zizhen if he wants to go fake being a couple w me so we can get free food yea it's fine it's whatever
jin ling:
jin ling: now hold on a minute

jin ling: fake?? being a couple???
jingyi: r u deaf
jin ling: NO WAIT , (so he isn't proposing to me?? :c)
jin ling: but we aren't even 18 yet
jingyi: there's free food
jin ling: Let's Get Married Then .

ok so they go

to the wedding cake test thing idk what it's really called i'm an uncultured swine alright , and then the vendor person in front of the shop spies the two of them and is just ??? why are these two kids heading for the wedding cake testing , who are they

jingyi, already prepared for his speech as he drags a stiff jin ling by the arm bc in his defense !!! married couples should be allowed to express pda !! to show that they r indeed not a fake couple who are fake wed to get some free food !! totally not !!!

jingyi:

the wedding cake vendor: and what can i help you two fine gentlemen on this day ? (please get out of my shop before i call the police and suspect you being underaged)
jingyi: we're here for the wedding cake test !!!
vendor: you two just got married i see ?
jin ling: hruhuhwerghd

jingyi: he's shy you see

we're planning to get married soon , not just yet , we're waiting for the right time !! where love is ripe and in the air
vendor: may i ask when ?
jingyi: spring !
jin ling: autumn
the three of them:

jingyi, teeth gritted: ahaha, we're still deciding
jin ling: yea what he said
the vendor:

the vendor: i assume you got together pretty young ? your faces are quite ,,, youthful
jingyi, taking that as a compliment: yep ! we've got both consent from both sides of our family
jin ling: (we did ???)
the vendor: (gen z kids these days,,, growing up so fast)

the vendor: right this way please
jingyi, whispering to jin ling quietly: stop acting so awkward and stiff , our cover could be blown off
jin ling, hissing like the catboy he is: well it's my first time getting fake wedded !
jingyi: and i'll fake divorce u when this is done

there are quite a lot of people packed in the little shop , testing out various flavours of cakes and is that a hat ?? on top of a fancy cake ?? wow this must be expensive , jingyi will definitely eat the rich today

jin ling: wait aren't lans supposed to consume less than 2 bowls of food or something
jingyi: aren't you supposed to be my supportive fake husband and support whatever decision i make bc u love me ?
jin ling: (HE SAID THE L WORD MISSION ABORT ABORT THE MISSION HE SAID THE L W)

jingyi drags jin ling off to a bunch of cakes , perferably the ones shly hidden in the corners where not a lot of people are crowded and testing free samples and then that's when jingyi realises that . most of the couples there are feeding each other . and well ,

jin ling being the picky mistress he is , takes turn oddly sniffing each piece of cake cut into a small rectangle , held with a little toothpick and making various weird faces of mostly disgust and agony

jingyi: what's wrong why do u look like ur about to give birth

jin ling: there's too much calories in these cakes
jingyi: ok and ?
jin ling: ??? it's unhealthy
jingyi: this is cake what do you expect , do you want me to get you a carrot cake then huh you healthy vegetarian
jin ling: yes

the cake vendor hears their little conversation and pops up from the middle of nowhere , and then the vendor leads them to the section where healthy cakes are and to jingyi's surprise and jin ling's delight , yes there is carrot cake

very gross looking in jingyi's opinion

jingyi when he sees jin ling reach out for a small sample , hovering over his open mouth before he takes a bike: STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW
jin ling, so spooken that he throws the carrot cake sample flinging into another dimension:
the vendor, walking away to get a mop/axe:

jingyi, grabbing another piece: i need to feed you
jin ling, having enough of jingyi's bullshittery: why
jingyi: bc that's what the other married couples r doing !!!!
jin ling: but i have my own hands
jingyi, grabbing the nearest sharp object which is a scissor: you won't soon

jin ling: jingyi??#?<#<!@ put that down
jingyi: then let me feed u
jin ling:

apparently their loud voices gain the attraction of some other married couples who r just , staring at them fondly saying "ah, young love" and the pressure of their stares make jingyi's body malfunction, so he ends up shoving the piece of cake a bit off in direction

there's frosting stuck on the corner of jin ling's lips and then

jingyi:

jin ling:

jingyi: oh darling let me get that for u /proceeds to wipe the frosting off of jin lings lips with his thumb even tho there's a tissue . right there . in the vendors hands . does he not exist anymore/
also jingyi: /proceeds to play it cool by sucking the frosting off his thumb/

the vendor , close to filing a report to the police station:

jin ling, in the middle of suffering from a minor aneurysm for the 23rd time today and wanting to fr get down on his knees and propose to jingyi:

jingyi, oblivious: so how's the cake sweetheart ?

jin ling: (hhhh ,,, hh-h he called me-emeh sweet

-sw-

i can't even say it

)

ok enough of this gay panicking nonsense im actually getting tired of these gayasses anyways

the shop is closing now , all the married couples have just . peace signed and disappeared , and jin ling has to eventually drag jingyi away from the many cakes b4 they both get banned

(ok this thread i feel like is slowly coming to an end , and by end i mean at max 134 more replies to this thread pls bare with me here

)

the next day :) and by next day i mean on literal monday where da junior squad™ is back in school and suffering like usual

jin ling didn't think /too/ much abt how jingyi licked the frosting off of his thumbs , no he did not stay awake replaying that image in his mind and burying his face into the pillows while he steams like a fresh bun out from the oven , no absolutely not

but then !!! when he spots jingyi !!!! jingyi just !!! gives him this dazzling smile !!! oh !!! jin ling might faint right here right now like the mistress he is !!! because !!! jingyi just goes straight up to him and LINKS their arms TOGETHER like a married couple what the fuck

jingyi: hi love

jin ling, already breaking down:

Latest Threads Unrolled: