I've been obsessed with this idea of having the mind of the Buddha and the heart of the Christ.

The Buddha mind being the part of us that can cognitively see why we are suffering and release ourselves from it. Be it a pattern of behavior, a thought, or a feeling.

But just because we understand we can escape from suffering doesn't mean we always will. For one reason or another, we cling to things that hurt us. We do the things that lead us toward more suffering, and for some stupid reason we fail to do things that would help us.

And then we beat ourselves up over having all these great tools and ideas for how to become our BEST SELF TM and the guilt causes us to either manically force ourselves to SELF CARE ourselves back to life or we shame ourselves into a dark hole and don't come out.

So what's the answer? How do we break the cycle of shame that keeps us from trying again or the guilt that begrudgingly forces us into a practice that we dont really want?

Compassion.
Deep, powerful, rediculous amounts of compassion.

The idea of the heart of the Christ is the unconditional love we always talk about yet rarely experience. But I believe that the reason we don't know it is because the first person who must give ourselves unconditional love is our own godamn selves.

The only thing holding me back from experiencing the love of God is my willingness to give that love to myself. I am the hands, feet, mind, manifestation of God on the earth, and thus if I want endless Love, I have It, because I am It.

When I can remember that I am Love, that I am filled with Love's presence, and when I can actively give it to myself, especially when I feel my worst, I release myself from suffering faster.

When I don't do my meditation and I feel shitty, I don't beat myself up for missing.

I give myself compassion so that I can feel better, and maybe try again later. And I'm more likely to engage in life-giving practices if I'm not always shitting on myself for not missing.

You gotta give yourself POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. Be your own fucking cheerleader.

When I am angry over something that I know I can't do anything about, usually something petty, I know that I could release it and move on. Do something else. Move into a better way of thinking that would keep me moving towards feeling better.

But sometimes I can't shake that!

So what do I do?

COMPASSION!

I tell myself that it's okay to feel shitty, because it is, and I'll be done with it as soon as I'm ready to be done.

And as soon as I can name that, the more likely I am to get over it because why hold onto a shitty feeling?

So.... in conclusion, if you have the tools, the Mind of the Buddha, follow that route. Let your self escape the suffering that is undue and unneeded.

But if you can't shake whatever it is, may you feel the heart of Christ in you, pouring out compassion and love for you.

This is how we start to heal ourselves.
But we must begin. We must try. And try again. And fail. And surrender more. And let go moe. And succeed! And fail. And realize that it's not really failure, it's just another lesson.

Anyways.... happy tuesday.