When I had really hit rock bottom in my faith a while back I started listening to the Liturgists. Michael Gungor described his initial journey to atheism as feeling like you& #39;ve been clinging to a rock in a raging river and then just letting go.
I found that metaphor freeing. I& #39;d spent years with nagging questions, praying for an assurance that never came. Years of struggling and knowing, as a good evangelical Wesleyan-Arminian, that my belief had eternal and dire consequences. It was exhausting. Letting go felt so good.
In the process of trying to find something good and useful in the vestiges of my faith, I spent time looking for universal truths that helped me remain "Christian." But I realized pretty quickly I couldn& #39;t do that. I& #39;m grateful for those who can find meaning there but I couldn& #39;t.
The choice for me has always been pretty black and white: faith is either everything or nothing. The middle road was just another form of death. Christ either makes a claim on my life to the exclusion of all else or is just a story I don& #39;t really need to be told anymore.