Thread by @LordPhewm, I'm going to go on a little rant about where I have [...]

I& #39;m going to go on a little rant about where I have been the last few weeks because I have been putting up cryptic tweets and other stuff. A lot of people have reached out and ,frankly, I don& #39;t have the energy to text back and am trying to stay off of my phone as much as I can.

I really appreciate every single person with every single call/text/snap/etc. They really do mean so much to me and bring tears to my eyes at times. For those who don& #39;t know, 6 years ago tomorrow (Sept 23) I tried to kill myself and that completely consumed my mind at all times

of the day. No sleep, no communication, no food, no nothing. I was a completely hellbent on escaping the pain that I was going through. I mean I was scaring away some of my best friends from high school. People that I am too ashamed to reach out to till this day.

People that I miss to this day, but people I have accepted may never be a part of my life again. That pain I was going through was my first real breakup. It absolutely crushed me. Yes, I was emotionally broken, but I never had to experience pain like this in my life. I wasn& #39;t

prepared to deal with that kind of pain in my life. I mean I never dealt with the idea of my parents getting divorced and to most kids that is a pretty derailing scenario, but I just tried to brush it off like nothing ever happened when I knew it was devastating.

I think I am missing somethings in this thread, but I am going off the top of the head with this right now. Fast forward to today, I am in a very similar situation to how I was back in 2013. My world seems to be upside down again and life is hard for me, but I have grown

so much in these last 6 years. I have so much more to live for. I am not just some kid watching his friends move on with their lives while I sit back trying to chase a high with no goals, no ambition, no future. I am a college graduate. I have a career. I have friends that will

last a lifetime. I have a job that supports me financially. I have a great relationship with my family. There is so much more that I am grateful for and proud of myself for building/achieving, but I just can& #39;t think of them off the top of my head. Pretty good for

a kid who was fixated on escaping the pain and ending his life. This time around, I know things that make me happy, things that push my growth, but, most importantly, I know the things that lead me down that path in the past and the things that got me out of it. Although I am sad

and wish things were different, I am okay everything. I have learned it is normal to be sad and okay at the same time because I am not sad. I am not a sad person. I am just feeling sad right now and I am okay with that. I am not the most religious/spiritual person, but whenever I

get down, I find myself turning to church more than usual. It just seems to always say the right thing when I need it. It was no exception this Sunday. The Pastor compared life to checkers. Most people play checkers by playing safe and trying to get most of their pieces to the

other side so that they can be "kinged" and be free of the directions and restrictions. People play safe by staying on the sides and trying to cower in the back in the safety of their own selves because you are scared to forfeit a piece. In life, people are afraid to be

vulnerable and open up to others because they fear they might lose part of themselves so that is why they shelter on the sides or stay in the back. In life, you have to push through the pain. You only have to get one part of yourself to the other side. One "kinged" piece will

set your whole self free. You cannot escape the pain of life, but you become bigger than it by pushing through the pain.

Sorry for that rant and sorry about the church part (I remembered it way worse than I thought lol)

I love you all. Thank you for caring. I care about you all

so much more than you will ever know. God. I am fucking proud of myself and happy for myself. <3

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