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At the height of the war on drugs, my friend Demetrius was sentenced to 3 natural life sentences and a 10-20 on top, for a first-time offense drug conviction.
He served 18 years before he received an (increasingly rare) commutation.
This is a story about going back. 1/
He served 18 years before he received an (increasingly rare) commutation.
This is a story about going back. 1/
For 14 of 18 years, Demetrius was at Macomb Correctional in Michigan. He'd been out for about eight years when Macomb hosted a large conference on programming in prison, and we went for work.
Man. Walking in next to D was like wing-manning the second coming of the Messiah. 2/
Man. Walking in next to D was like wing-manning the second coming of the Messiah. 2/
You wouldn't believe how happy guys were to see him, how long they held his handshake, how teary men became when their eyes scanned his face.
"How is it, man?" One guy asked him & D shook his head, like: It's freedom. What else can I say?
He was hope & loss that day. 3/
"How is it, man?" One guy asked him & D shook his head, like: It's freedom. What else can I say?
He was hope & loss that day. 3/
But it was long and heavy. There was poetry and presentation, there was song and lots of tears. Incredible food and seminars on justice.
As we walked out D looked at me and said, "This was rougher than I thought."
That night, for the first time ever, D texted me at 2am. 4/
As we walked out D looked at me and said, "This was rougher than I thought."
That night, for the first time ever, D texted me at 2am. 4/
"I had a dream I was still locked up and I can't sleep."
I didn't get it til the next morning. I called immediately.
"It's the survivor's guilt," he said. "I sat up all night on the end of my bed trying not to be sick. Why me? Why am I out here when so many are left... 5/
I didn't get it til the next morning. I called immediately.
"It's the survivor's guilt," he said. "I sat up all night on the end of my bed trying not to be sick. Why me? Why am I out here when so many are left... 5/
I can't stop thinking about it, I can't shake this sickness. Those are good men I left in there."
It was a long conversation about what freedom means, about who "deserves" it, about what it means to crawl out of hell & leave a thousand souls behind.
D wasn't right for weeks
It was a long conversation about what freedom means, about who "deserves" it, about what it means to crawl out of hell & leave a thousand souls behind.
D wasn't right for weeks
He had nightmares, he felt physically ill, he paced the office a lot. "I can't shake it," he kept saying.
I tell you this story so you know: walking out of prison is a triumph, but also the beginning of a new kind of trauma, an insidious & crippling one. Every person I know
I tell you this story so you know: walking out of prison is a triumph, but also the beginning of a new kind of trauma, an insidious & crippling one. Every person I know
who leaves prison talks about the people they left behind, and whether they never look back or dive down into the work and fight brick by brick, there is immeasurable sorrow for the people still there, like jumping from a burning boat and watching it sink in the sea. 8/9
Maybe you're not going down with the boat but you're still treading water. You're still pulled by forces greater than yourself.
You're still at risk of drowning under the weight of all you've seen. And there are still so many people to be saved.
You're still at risk of drowning under the weight of all you've seen. And there are still so many people to be saved.
Thank you @titus_demetrius for allowing me to share. It’s an honor to work beside you. 
