Of course it would be 42 degrees out this morning while I’m waiting for a damn Xbox BUT I MADE IT AND I’M GONNA GET THE LAST ONE.

This store has 5 Xbox X’s & 2 S’s - and everyone here ahead of me, unsurprisingly, wanted an X. Everyone approaching is asking about X’s & leaving because the 5 guys ahead of me already snagged them up.

There‘a a woman that’s trying to figure out what she wants to buy for her kids and these guys are straight up overwhelming her with information. They’re all like “BUY AN X ITS WAY BETTER”. She’s like “why” and they’re all yelling over her.

She keeps asking about the PS5 & where she can get one. Everyone’s like “you’re screwed”. She’s talking about trying to get one on eBay, but her kids basically only play Fortnite, so why wouldn’t you buy that? I’m trying to convince her, but these guys are scaring her off.

Now she’s checking eBay. She’s plagued by indecision. I’m like yo, come hang out with me, get an S, we’ll be friends. Some guy in line is like “why would you get an S” and I’m like “I just want the back catalog, I have a PS5 preordered”. DONT MAKE ME FLEX ON YA’LL NERDS.

Good god I have to sit here for another hour and a half and listen to these guys. One of the guys is the brother-in-law of a guy that used to work here with me and @KaleyWeinhold - he’s like “THIS GAMESTOP SCREWED ZACK”. But hey he’s apparently doing well.

Now they’re shit talking PlayStation. The woman is like “are my kids going to be like you guys when they get older” and everyone is like “hopefully, unless they’re PS fans”. Someone makes a comment about they’ll “probably have a rainbow flag” and I’m like - really man?

Someone asked about what we all do for a living. One of the guys here is saying he does paid carries in Destiny 2. He’s talking up his setup. Some other guy is a Drug & Alcohol counselor, so we’re bullshitting some war stories. A maintenance mechanic, another retail worker.

Now someone’s talking about Elon Musk. “He’s launching satellites with Internet that has 1GB up, 1GB down, but only for Tesla employees”. The manager is finally here. The conversation’s moved onto controllers. I should probably get another controller & a battery pack. Hm.

Oh god, one of the guys is talking about Cryptocurrency - I really thought we were past this but apparently not. He’s also advising people not to invest in Apple stocks. “There’s a lot of cartel money in there, you can get your wallet busted”.

On the plus side the woman stuck around, but I kind of get the impression she wants the pre-order to try and resell it. She’s like “this would be a consolation gift for my kids if I can’t find a PS5”. I asked her what games she wants for her PS5, but she’s really drawing a blank.

Someone rolled up and they told him they’re out of pre-orders but he’s just kind standing here staring at us? I’m kind of like my dude, don’t you have somewhere to be? Also, practically everyone here has started chain smoking, RUDE. The woman bummed a cigarette IN A COVID WORLD.

Retail workers, I appreciate you. Ya’ll don’t get paid enough to deal with this customer base. I’d be going off on people left and right. I’m so used to being able to yell at people at my job and throw things in frustration. I could never work in retail again.

Mask compliance is 3 out of 7. Me, the woman (who took it off to smoke) & this quiet guy in a Celtics jumper. I tried to engage him about the NBA playoffs but he’s not having it. Then again, his team is down 2-1, Mind you, I have an Eagles mask on and they’ve looked horrid.

Finally got the SKU. The manager’s out here trying to upsell extended warranties & accessories, which is typical GS procedure. Also, he made it clear that if you try to preorder two consoles to the same address, they’ll cancel them both. One per household. The bots have won.

The woman did grab a PO, but she’s still in line chatting up trying to find a PS5; she’s looking like hell. Everyone is trying to tell her that a lot of online stuff is a scam, then, talking up their own online purchases. I cannot get out of here fast enough.

Some guy just approached and said he’s pre-ordered three games but can’t find the consoles. He’s been to three stores this morning. No luck at Target, Wal-Mart etc. The longest guy has been in line since 1AM. He said the cops forced him to leave, but he just came back later.

Someone else approached and was stunned that they only had 7 consoles. He was really cordial, was like “congratulations guys!” Someone else in line referred to getting “The Jap Version” of the original Xbox and I don’t even know what to say.

My patience is wearing thin.

I’ve been all over the damn place and I’m gonna tell you, the weirdest people I’ve ever met on the planet are at these midnight launches / big game releases. But then again, I’m standing here with them, so you can take that for whatever it’s worth.

A dude in line is running bots and snapping them up. He’s like “one of my bots just snapped one up, I’m getting notifications from my card”. I’m sure this is going on at stores all over the country. PEOPLE ORDERING ONLINE GOOD LUCK ITS GONNA BE BAD.

They’ve let us in. 6th in line. Manager handed out masks, and some guy LEFT OVER IT. My GUY WHO HUNG AROUND THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. Employees pushing the HARD SELL on accessories, subscriptions, and extended warranties. GS doesn’t make a lot of money on new consoles, last I checked.

This manager is wonderful. On the off chance you see this @GameStop, promote Vanessa at the store in Ephrata. She was awesome.

A guy behind me is buying Animal Crossing. I’m like, Animal Crossing is great! He IMMEDIATELY SHIFTS to “it’s for my wife”. I try and reassure him, I’m like hey, I love Animal Crossing. He repeats himself; I notice he has no wedding ring on. Come on, man, lie convincingly.

Alright I’m DONE. I got the system, another controller and two battery packs. It was an experience, that’s for fucking sure. I’m sufficiently stressed. I called that crypto guy a “rude motherfucker” and told him I hope he has a miserable day, per @emmalthorley ‘s advice. THE END.