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Oh great, I love it when my father starts yelling at me in the middle of the night because I happened to need to be in the same room as him for five seconds to get something before I go to bed.
I swear he finds every little excuse he can to remind me that he never wanted me to be born and, ever since I was outed to him, purposely misgender me and laugh about it. I genuinely don& #39;t know why I still try and be nice to him.
He& #39;s said that I& #39;m a mistake so many times that I ought to be used to it by now but it still hurts. It makes me feel like nothing about who I am or what I do actually matters to anyone. I know it& #39;s not the case but it& #39;s what I& #39;ve been told my whole life.
I can& #39;t do things for me, I can only do things to try and make people believe that I& #39;m worth existing, because maybe then I& #39;ll start thinking that I am. I& #39;ve been trying for years to be someone that deserves to be loved but I still don& #39;t know how to be that or if I even can be.
I& #39;m terrified of knowing that my entire existence is a waste of everyone& #39;s time and energy. I try to run from that and act like it isn& #39;t the case but he revels in the fact that I& #39;m just a mistake, not even a person to him, and I don& #39;t even see myself as one a lot of the time.
