I feel like a fucking idiot (as usual).
Maybe I will make a thread out of all my toxic thoughts?
Nut sure if that would make any sense but still.

I'm a waste of every damned resource that ever found its end in me.
It was stupid of me to have any hope for things to go well and/or get better in the first place.

I want to give up, be it give up love, give up life give up empathy.
Just EVERYTHING.
Please, forget I ever was so I can end myself.
Promise it won't be a big loss anyways.

I can't be mad, I have no right to.
But I want to be mad at this person.
But it's my problem that I got too attached. They are a good person.
But this whole ordeal caused so much pain.
Just give up you idiot. Let go.
Was all this a big mistake after all?

[Goes through BPD traits]
Yeah that mostly fits, tho I don't self harm.
[Realises that being suicidal can be considered a form of self harm]
Oh wait.
(For real tho does that count?)

Why did I hope for this happiness to last?
Why was I ever optimistic?
Optimism only leads to painful disappointment.
It's why I'm usually a pessimist.
I just wish at least the little bit of self care and confidence would've stuck.

Feels like I'm going mad.
Maybe. Maybe.

Wish I had the courage to consult a therapist.

Maybe I should avoid people for some time.
Can't imagine a couple folks not being tired of my shit yet.

Side note: If I talk in an incredibly mean manner to someone in this thread please remember that that is supposed to be me talking to myself.
Just wanted to clarify that.