might write more for that later but,,,,,,,,,, lostland. shuake brainworms stuck in head

im imagining 19-year-old akira showing up to goro's house bc miss akc had to go out on another late job again and asked him to look after her babie while she's gone

just

akira getting there in just--

a v-neck with the sleeves ripped off
a leather vest full of chains and rings
ripped jeans
combat boots
piercings all over his ears and some on his face
tattoos showed off on his arms and whatever skin peeked from his clothes

their neighbourhood was one where all the "imperfect" families resided, making their own little community
coming from a shitty household, akira wasn't really too keen on staying home, despite having wealthy parents and a good name
but fuck them

he often went into that area of nagano anyway
but he's been known by the housewives as someone that does offer as much help as he could, because honestly, everyone could use that helping hand

miss akc was just running out of options so she turned to the kid that visited the area

and the first time 12-year-old goro saw him, he immediately knew that this boy was nothing but trouble-- just the type of people he should stay away from

but maybe he was judging too quickly

akira-san was actually a pretty fun person to be around
he cracked a lot of jokes
ordered takeout for the both of them
sat on the floor in front of the tv with goro and watched featherman until goro fell asleep against him

after placing goro onto the couch, akira would step away to a window in the kitchen
take out his pack and smoke one out, just waiting for miss akc to get back

she never did.

cw suicide mention

he held out hope, of course

maybe tomorrow morning
or the next night

next week??

no one heard from her again-- at least, until the authorities called up their place and told him
she'd taken her own life

so here akira is
with a barely-pubescent kid

he didn't really know why he did it
why he went to those lengths
but he managed to watch over goro for five years

five years of him and his friends coming in and out of the apartment
akira paying for rent every month since he practically lived there now too
it was a good deal: he could get away from his family and take care of the kid in one fell swoop

hell, he had a pretty good (illegal) job
earned more than enough each night, even
and really, goro was an independent kid-- one that forgot when to eat and pushed the limits of his bedtime and cried like a lil bitch and all, but he was a good kid

akira liked him alright

maybe even a little too much

look, he knows he's fucking suspicious already
but he at least tried to be a good person

it began just over four and a half years of being goro's guardian(???)/big brother(??????)

goro was already close to seventeen, and fuck if puberty didn't do him right

he grew so quickly, was close to akira's size
his features hardened, and somehow, still retained that softness to them that had akira pinching his cheeks before
and his eyes--

his eyes were fiery, red

akira had never really needed to bathe goro before, but seeing goro in only a towel now was

it was doing things to akira's head
it made him gulp
it made his eyes widen
his clothes to start feeling too hot

and what the fuck was happening to him

he wasn't getting attracted to a fucking kid
one that he raised up to then, most especially
but there was something about the way goro clung to him as they went on their featherman marathons
how akira's eyes wandered to beneath the sweater goro basically stole from him

it was still way too big on goro, but he was always a sucker for comfy shit, so akira never stopped him
but just

the hints of skin peeking out
the soft rise and fall of his chest
those lips of his, pink and plump and parted just ever so slightly

akira wondered what he tasted like, should he have kissed goro

wait

wait no

wait fuck N O this was NOT happening

he wasn't being attracted to a kid, fuck that, that wasn't right

that wasn't fucking okay

akira hasn't been coming home a whole lot lately,,,

and sure, he leaves money in goro's bank account and all, but he's worried
usually, they'd have dinner together-- goro just coming home from school and akira coming back from his job
whatever it was

usually, they'd clean up together
and then settle on the couch while goro does whatever homework was left and akira was calling up his clients

and then, if there was still time, an episode or two of featherman before bed

but now,,

now akira's been out for too late
and goro knows that he's an adult, he can take care of himself
but it's worrying when he stays up, just waiting for the front door to click open and then closed again, early in the morning

and he trusts akira, he really does
akira basically saved him from being thrown into the orphanages and foster homes
he wasn't the best caretaker out there
but goro would never have asked for anyone else

akira, to him, was perfect already

and he won't lie, he's felt something like puppy love for akira since he was,,, 12, was it? they'd already been together for five years already, and goro's heart was so stubborn and stupid
how long would it be, he wondered, until his crush faded?

it wouldn't, he found out, soon enough

because his first love was torn to shreds
not all at once, no, it happened gradually

ever since akira started coming home less
up until he wasn't home for weeks at a time

and then just

gone.

the only hint that really slapped goro across the face that he, too, was never coming back was the state of his bank account

two million yen, deposited all at once

that, apparently, was akira's way of saying goodbye

and now, here he is again

shorter hair, piercings gone, and talking to goro's intro to philosophy class with a voice that didn't have his eternal rasp, that was loud and commanding and something that goro had never heard before

what happened to him? why was he hiding the tattoos he was so proud of before? where was the gives-no-fucks about swearing akira that he knew?

why was he *here*, in *tokyo*, teaching?

"hey."

goddammit all.

goddamn *him*.