The thing I’ve had the hardest time getting people in the sorts of trans feminine spaces I tend to hang out in to accept is that I am authentically and genuinely attracted to men, and the process of transition revealed that, and I am happy to know myself better!

Like this is a bit of an odd situation, because I am married to a woman I love deeply, and I’m still attracted to (certain) women. So I’m not, like, forever straight or whatever.

But my trans femme friends treat this attraction as a terrible curse. It’s really condescending!

(In before anybody asks: I am also attracted to enbys and other genderfluid folks, but I tend to be really into specific forms of gender presentation. Not always though! Hot people are hot people, no matter the gender!)

But having talked to other primarily straight trans women, this is definitely a thing that happens. The other trans women in our lives are so baffled by our attraction to men that they assume it’s, like, a choice or a thing we’re forcing ourselves to do for “society.”

I didn’t realize I was attracted to men until transition, because I repressed all of the times I HAD been attracted to men throughout my life because I was terrified of being seen as “gay.”

It is very weird to suddenly have the exact opposite of that! And from my own community!

On the one hand, I get it: Male bonding rituals were often baffling for trans women before self-acceptance, and many of us found them actively repugnant. Finally being “free” of men can feel like a relief, especially if you are not particularly attracted to them.

But the default assumption late-transitioning trans women are all trans lesbians invalidates a lot of people. End of thread!

(Oh, addendum: Too often, this feels like a close cousin of “Testosterone is poison,” a thing that was true for ME, but with which my trans dude brothers would absolutely disagree. Masculinity as a societal force has some issues! Individual dudes can be quite amazing.)