A thing that has helped my interpersonal relationships immensely is learning to recognize when I am out of energy (because sensory stuff, or chronic illness, or being triggered, or just a long day) and communicating that rather than trying to push through and feeling resentful

This is basically the opposite of how society conditions us all to be always-on tools of capitalism

And also the opposite of the conditioning I got as an Autistic person that my needs are not important, so I should just ignore them

I mean honestly society tells all disabled people that our needs are "special" instead of fundamental parts of being ourselves that we have a right to expect, but I experienced this most acutely in my childhood through all the sensory issues related to Autism

[Dissociation]

It is an ongoing process to recognize when my battery is low, and it was made harder by the fact that for a long time the way I coped with never having my access needs addressed was just Perpetual Dissociation

Anyway, a disabled friend of mine shared a very useful phrase with me:

"My cupboard is bare"

You can't give from an empty cupboard. You need to take time to restock.

Another thing that has really helped me in interpersonal relationships is recognizing that I like helping people I care about, and so do the people I care about

So it's a kindness to help them, and also to let them help me

After college when my disability became even more disabling, I was so lonely I was kind of desperate for friends, and I ended up in a lot of relationships where I was the one who was always listening, helping, giving, etc

And part of this was definitely related to my then-friends, but also...I didn't know that I could also expect help, listening, etc as part of a friendship

And it's really hard to reset that dynamic several years into a friendship

Anyway, it's still hard for me to ask for what I need because it feels...incredibly vulnerable (because it is, because I have a lot of memories of being ridiculed for being different and having different needs)

But basically now all my people understand when I say I can't do something, or I need X before I can do something

And we help each other when we can, unless our cupboards are bare

Anyway, since yesterday I was talking about healing that happens outside of therapy, I thought I would share this process which has definitely been an act of healing and growth for me https://twitter.com/UntoNuggan/status/1307778552197197833?s=19

Also this thread is partly inspired by riffing on these thoughts from @bennessb https://twitter.com/bennessb/status/1308039115229859840?s=19

One of my boundaries/access needs is that I don't do verbal speech before I finish breakfast because my brain is still booting

Technically I can words, but it leaves me exhausted and struggling to talk for the rest of the day

It took me so long to realize I could ask for this

Anyway, disability basically forced me to be more conscious of my needs and when my cupboard is bare

But if you're currently abled, I really encourage you to do this preemptively because it really sucks when the consequences of ignoring your needs are like...being bedbound

Plus, as I think I mentioned up thread, learning how to rest and ask for what you need are revolutionary

(Also if you want to learn more about this, you should totally follow @TheNapMinistry )

Also, the more abled people learn to take breaks and set boundaries around their time/energy, the easier it is for disabled people to do the same because it stops being a "special need" and starts being just part of being human

So if your brain keeps telling you that setting limits around your energy is selfish (or whatever), then maybe it will help to remind yourself that you're helping to normalize taking breaks etc https://twitter.com/UntoNuggan/status/1308122244602789890?s=19