i am fascinated by the ethnography of the internet. i often think about how it has affected art, life, event perception, it vexes my tiny brain. there is one topic i find particularly enigmatic and interesting which is the apparent fact that the internet drives people insane [..]

this happens for people purely using the internet to some extent but it really seems to go next level for people who “live” or seek to make themselves known online. as someone with one foot in this world its obviously something ive considered, + anyone online has seen it happen

but why? why is it that so many “e-personalities”, popular internet people, go off the deep end? whats “the deal”? theres no overt reason this should be the case yet it seems to be almost a law rather than something that happens even just half the time. why?

there are a few factors i have considered but i am also curious what you think. i will go into the two main things i think “it is” here, as i am stuck in bed with dognurse (very attentive, relaxing, spirit raising, etc)

one is something i call the “john malkovich factor”. i suppose it sounds pretentious coming up with a name for something, its not intentional, it more just naturally happens over time. this is based on the movie “being john malkovich”.

if you havent seen the movie, basically there are some scenes, like one in the beginning, where the main guy goes up to a desk, and has a totally normal request or says something normal and the person at the desk is like “yo WHAT are you talking about?” and acts like hes crazy

and this catches the guy off guard because he thinks he’s being normal, so he tries again, and the person at the desk is just making him feel insane, but he’s actually being normal, and you can tell he isnt sure what to think. his frame of reference is thrown off.

in real life the only term ive seen some close to hitting this is something i came across in this kind of new agey thing called “self projected authority”. theres basically a spectrum of how much your perception depends on your internal view or on the response from others.

i first really noticed this when talking with a female relative. she is far on one end of the spectrum where, even if she knew she was doing something right, if someone acted like she did something wrong, she would feel like she had done something wrong. cant turn it off.

we had a talk about her getting some papers and she said “the person at the desk is going to be confused and think i’ve done something wrong but i haven’t”, and i’m like, who cares? youre right, they’re wrong. but in her mind it doesn’t matter, their perception affects her.

its not a binary of being good or bad depending on where people are on the spectrum. im all the way on the other end. if i made a painting and i know its good and 500 people tell me its bad, i would just think they’re all wrong. wouldn’t affect my confidence at all.

so you could say, well at some point that makes you stupid, arrogant, too cocky, if everyone around you thinks ur wrong you shouldnt just brush it off every time. yeah probably. sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s been bad, its just one dimension of someone’s personality.

i think there are very few people all the way on one end of the spectrum like me who really don’t care (not bragging, it’s caused me some disastrous problems in life so, it’s not “good”, i’ve been wrong a lot + thought i was right and should have listened to others. that happens)

but when people get online all of sudden you’re thrust into this sphere where you’re going to get all these conflicting narratives, about yourself now, and unless you’re all the way on one end of the spectrum its going to affect you, no matter what, even if it’s just 1% each time

so i think after a long period of time you get that john malkovich affect where youre standing at the desk and all these people are telling you XY and Z very confidently and your frame of reference gets thrown off. then that happens again, it snowballs out of control.

i think you mostly see this in youtube people, for a reason ill get to in a second. just in case anyone thinks im secretly talking about anyone in particular, im thinking of older e-people that burnt out, no one around now, although we all see the phenomenon in varying degrees.

the second factor is that i think there is something about marketing yourself that creates a feedback loop with the previous effect. just to be clear im not talking shit, i mean i do it to some extent, and i (honestly) like most people online and like hearing their views + stuff

so im not saying this is bad, i just find it interesting. its part of the internet landscape. i think i noticed this second piece because im an art person, which has its own pathologies ofc, but i am somewhat released from the need to push my “self” as a thing in itself.

so i make a painting or a comic, and ultimately, i want people to look at it. if eventually people enjoy those without knowing anything about me, well thats kind of my goal right. that would be good (u can also see im not released from the fame seeking dragon, such is art life)

but i think there is something about having what you are “putting out there” (not that its inherently a bad thing) being your “self” that makes the feedback loop with the above affect particularly ... noteworthy. i think thats how people kind of go a little nuts.

the self is so fluid and changeable, as much as i firmly reject philosophies that say it doesnt exist, its [in some ways] responsive to external stimuli. thats why monks of all stripes sequester themselves from external stimuli. it stimulates this surface level of your “self”.

one day i really like X painting. maybe next month i dont. does that make me a hypocrite? does that mean i’ve changed in some meaningful way? maybe? sometimes yes, sometimes no, honestly i think it would kind of throw a wrench in my gears to really think about it too much.

but if what u “put out there” is your “self”, then u have to think about that, and the natural capriciousness of the self is going to inevitably be there, and you have to think about it, and address it, and all of a sudden you’re in this infinite feedback loop of self reflection

theres one other factor that i think is interesting that again, i see the youtube situation as the best case study for, although like i said i’m not talking shit, i like watching people’s videos, and it also happens on here or anywhere really.

that would be that, there is a type of fame paradox for many art forms and subsections of art (any art, really anything people “look at you” for) which is that, lets say you get attention for doing Y. people see your Y, its great, theyre signed up. they liked the Y a lot.

now, you want to do more. but you already did Y. so, you can’t do Y again. so, you have to do something that is different from what people came for. its a paradox. they like you because you did Y but now you already did Y so you HAVE to do something different. thats dangerous.

some people are released from this, maybe classical musicians, sometimes artists, or maybe thats just my naivety. for some people once they do something they really can just ride their career out doing that. but even internally, theyll have to do something new, so its still there

and this is just magnified times a million online because of the hyper ephemeral nature of online and other factors that you as an internet user probably dont need me to explain. so thats like an accelerant poured over the fire i previously described.

anyway, like i said i have been thinking about that a lot. in some ways we are really some of the first people who can zoom out and look at effects of the mass social media style internet like this so even if its a little cliche it is something i think is worth thinking about.

i even get this sometimes myself where people are like “brooo you used to post about Z man i liked that do that again”, and im like, yeah, i already posted about that though man. although im lucky because all my interests kind of oddly intersect and continually refresh each other

so in a way my being hyper suited to this kind of thing (im always obsessed with something or thinking about new crazy stuff or laughing at my own jokes #manicbrainletgang) has caused me to think about how different personality types must intersect with this cyber plane.

that is basically what ive concluded so far but if you have any ethnographic insight on this topic im open to it