I am really sick of trying to be gracious and hold space for learning and growth for organisations and people who refuse to return the same care or awhi when we are harmed and seek support, and those who extract our knowledge to further divide our communities.

And when I say “sick of” I don’t just mean emotionally, I mean this toxic white supremacy in our climate and disability spaces is making me physically ill.

I have panic attacks regularly before speaking gigs where I have to knowingly enter a culturally (both in indigenous and disability terms) unsafe space and put myself in difficult positions bc otherwise there is no one to speak and affirm for our rangatahi coming up who deserve

to see themselves represented, and know that they are valid and don’t have to fit into these extractivist and white/abled ways of campaigning, media making, and “activisting” that are inherently harmful.

I get migraines and massive anxiety regularly having to try to gently awhi people to understand they are causing harm or committing lateral violence on our multiply marginalised whānau.

I have been in the deepest fucking depression all year, having to battle with intersecting racism, ableism, and heterosexism with no space for reprieve, because every time I think I can take a breather these orgs and people spring up and cause more harm and shit we have to deal w

I am so isolated because half the time I don’t even know who my true friends and allies are in these spaces, because people will talk to me about allyship, intersectionality, and justice to my face, and then go right back to propping up exactly what is harming our people.

I am constantly having to tone police myself because if I speak out or rub anyone up the wrong way when challenging oppression I might well find myself with more work on than I can handle safely.

Im constantly missing out on opportunities for myself, my own career or advancement, or things that are important to me in life, because just as I start to get the ball rolling, we have to go clean up messes created by “well meaning” “allies” who don’t prioritise whanaungatanga.

And I’m not the only one. This is the reality for our wāhine māori, plus some for those of us who are also disabled and queer.

I’m not ok. I’m not fucking ok. Our multiply marginalised communities are not fucking ok.

Show up and do the fucking work, check your privilege and how you are benefitting from systems and organisations that keep others of us oppressed, or else just literally admit that you are not there for the kaupapa but for yourself.

If you are just there for yourself that’s fine. Shit’s hard. I get it. But don’t gaslight multiply oppressed folks because you are comfortable working with toxic and harmful organisations and people.

We own our experience and our truths, and you do not get to speak on that.

True to form, just tweeting this I now have a proper migraine coming on, and I think I’m going to be sick. I won’t be debating this. I’m going to bed.