Wrote down some reasons to live on my whiteboard to remind myself that they do exist then erased it because I don't want Qs, comments or judgements and I also felt embarrassed because neither of them are to do with humans

I don't want to be fucking fixed or fucking judged I just want to be fucking listened to and right now a knife and a bathtub sound more appealing than waking up thinking "oh fuck I have to do this all over again"

IDK precisely how long I've been feeling like this but it suddenly hit me really hard on Saturday and hasn't left so maybe it's been there for a while but needed to snap at some point

And mental health services in this country are fucked and I don't want to talk about this shit out loud due to, well, the reasons listed in the first tweet so I don't feel like I can ring anyone

IDK what to do and I hate it so much

BTW If you know me IRL please don't say anything about this to ANYONE. And I mean, anyone. Online, offline, friends, family, boyfriend. Whoever. I'm just exhausted and maybe it's just a blip but right now it doesn't feel like a blip