I'm not sure why I'm writing this today of all days. But I know people check this account sometimes to see where on the
OT-sickofthisshit spectrum I lie.

If you're someone who wants a clear-cut-answer-or-perish. I guess I'll perish

But if u r also sick of this shit, read on.

First of all I've read ALL the *TRUTH*
threads floating around online from both alignments.
It was very tedious but I genuinely did read everything. Ofcourse one side was a lot more impassioned about it, A lot more mobilised:

It's not a good look but it doesn't

mean that just because you're emotionally biased, the information provided is wrong.

So I still took it at face value, I did notice that there were very long winded discussions of minor charges and short dismissals of the more serious ones. But still...point taken.

On the OPPOSITE side, there was definitely a bias in concentrating on the MORALITY of the associated dispositions of the more serious allegations, rather than the strictly legal facts themselves.

Now here's the unfortunate truth.

These two sets of arguments are not counters of

Each other.

It's very possible that Seungri may be completely legally absolved of everything while still having a dubious morality.

And no matter how either side claims to know the TRUTH!-

-WE CAN NEVER ACTUALLY KNOW.
We weren't there in person. We can't decisively know.

We can effectively have a virtual version of a shouting match for days-all it does is give those trying to evaluate things critically, a big fat headache.

Of course it's easier if you're a 'believer' then you take the big name accounts (on either side)at face value.

After all they seem like decent people, they're your Fandom parents.

There's nothing wrong with that tbh, not all of us signed up for a year long ethical and legal debate when we just decided to Stan a phenomenal K-pop group.

But there's some redflags.

If your side of the fandom (again this could be either side) asks you to block people or report threads en masses without looking at them, (hmm what are you trying to hide )

or ever claims you're not a true fan unless you do such and such, change your bio in a certain way-

- be wary of them. That's all I'm going to say. It doesn't mean I'm telling you to change your stance, but maybe look for other, less toxic people who may share yours.

Basically, I don't think which side of the divide you're on determines what sort of person you are and I have

Oomfs I love talking to from both sides. Idk whether some of them may unfollow after this thread. I hope not.

But like BB said, If someone leaves, they leave. I'm just getting this out of the way.

It feels good to get some of it out.

And I'm not going to stop talking to

Any oomfs on my part just because of their stance.

OTHER problematic behavior, on either side- where I'm inclined- I will call out.

Also what seems illogical to me is illogical to me, I'm not going to force myself to 'stay neutral' if someone's just being plain dumb.

Okay now that I've gotten some of the general value opinions out of the way.

I'm just going to talk about my personal stance.
Again I'm going to explain why I chose my alignment where I Did-

I'm not saying it should be yours.

Firstly 2019 was hell for me( as for many other VIPs, I know ) I would wake every-morning, read the most recent article and have rising anxiety the rest of the day.

Rinse and Repeat.

Mind you this was someone I thought I loved, I had watched his show, his comeback with a lot

Of love and excitement. So I was inclined to defend him, I fought so many people, told them I wouldn't believe this could ever be true.

It was a witch hunt. It was politically motivated.

When the factions first started to break, I felt angry at those saying that Seungri should

Be cut out of their music videos, & who preemptively called him a *****ist.

I thought it was unfair and unjust, after all for better or for worse he'd BEEN THERE, for the last 10 years.

(And to an extent this still isn't entirely untrue I just look at it differently now)

I took comfort in those accounts debunking the charges, YouTube videos by people claiming to be legal experts (fair warning I checked with actual lawyers I know, turns out most of those are untrustworthy)

Who agreed with me. It felt good to not feel like I'd been supporting

Something bad unknowingly. It made me feel good and moral.

It's an intoxicating feeling.

It also made me feel wronged and victimized, fired up to bring the TRUTHto the world.

ANOTHER intoxicating feeling, especially when you have a team at your back.

Then that Chosun Ilbo interview came out. And the implications that even if Seungri didn't DO anything, he definitely KNEW about it was confirmed.

It left a sour taste in my mouth.

My support wasn't as zealous anymore. But I still wanted to believe.

I thought revisiting my favorite Bigbang shows and memories would help 'restore my faith'. Because truly it wasn't still definite yet.

After all people aren't black and white, I've always believed that.

I revisited My favorite fanmeets, variety shows, v-lives...

... and it had the opposite effect.

Now that the rose tinted glasses were scratched I began to see the unsavory things I'd never paid intense attention to before, I started obsessively going farther and farther back to older and older footage and this time around,

My analytical brain took over.
(It's not within the scope of this thread for me to bring all those things here. But I WILL get to it especially if asked in detail with evidence some day)

And I started to see patterns of behavior Which were... disturbing in most part because

They seemed consistent with all those things I'd so firmly believed he wasn't capable off.

At this point it wasn't about the case. The love had simply gone.I didn't have hatred in my heart, didn't wish anything bad on him, but this simply wasn't someone I wished to stan anymore.

Because let's be real,we don't stan people for just being average, morally grey people, it's for that shiny extra.(Atleast for me)

And that shiny extra was gone.

And this realisation brought with it a truckload of guilt. I felt like I was disregarding all the good moments.

Tw//panic attack

That I was Poisoning all my good memories.I opened my gallery, saw a picture of a happy moment I'd saved and had a panic attack.

To cope I tried to write out everything in my mind at the time, I realised I simply couldn't go on like this, Yet I knew my earlier

Realisations were not wrong.
So I wrote this scrawled on a tissue paper in a quiet corner. I decided to Mary Kondo this person out of my life. I Thanked him for all the good memories, I wrote them out, the ones that made me smile, and decided to let go.