just broke down for like 10 straight minutes cuz health issues but i looked at some dq posts and got serotonin back so im ok now whats up

actually i hope its ok if i just vent here cuz im really tired of this. my thoughts will most likely not be coherent though

where do i even start. i havent really talked about this stuff at all except to some friends, i guess ive mentioned it here or there but never gone into detail...

i guess ill just go from the beginning. so for a really long time (at least 2+ years, prob more) ive always had trouble eating, like i physically could not eat. i would always feel hungry and then full once i took one bite, and then hungry again later. its really annoying (1/?)

i finally went to the gastroenterologist a few months ago (july?) and he was like, well, it could be a lot of things, so he told me i should get blood taken, provide stool samples, and get an ultrasound (2/?)

so i got the blood drawn, which wasnt fun at all. i have an intense fear of veins so ... yea. not cool. stool samples was nasty i dont even want to talk about it. but the most important was the ultrasound...i had to get two of them which was really weird (3/?)

one without food and one with (sidenote hospital food was not as bad as i thought it would be) if uve never gotten an US just imagine someone rubs some gel on your stomach and starts pressing down on ur organs cuz thats exactly how it was. the lady kept pressing specifically (4/?

on this one spot above my stomach and it was Super Uncomfortable. well i got the results from it the other week nd turns out i have this extremely rare condition called SMA syndrome which i still dont understand exactly what it is but (5/?)

i guess part of my small intestine is compressed between two arteries, so its partially blocked off. mine is not TERRIBLE but it slows down the digestion process which is why i was having trouble eating and shit (6/?)

abyways the thing about SMA syndrome is that its so rare (<1% chance) and.. potentially fatal. i think im ok because i got diagnosed before it got really bad but i still cant help fucking freaking out...doesnt help that theres conflicting accounts (assuming due to th rarity) (7/?

some places said 33% mortality rate (fucking high all things considering) or ONE IN THREE. what started tonights freakout was i was googling "can sma kill u" and ofc it responded yep bud and showed me the medical shit blah blah but it (8/?)

showed me this story of a woman who was dying from it. dying, as in she was being starved because she could not physically eat anything solid, she had to gwt liquid from a tube and it just really fucking hit me that if maybe i didnt complain to my parents abt not being (9/?)

able to eat, that could be me. so that wasnt fun at all anyways that aside, u might be wondering well wtf am i supposed to do to keep from dying. well i had a followup with the GI friday (that i was late to so my mom took care of it instead lol) n the doc said (10/?)

that first, im supposed to try at-home treatment. i am supposed to gain weight bc SMA syndrome is most commonly caused by losing a lot of weight (even though i have never lost a lot of weight in my life, i have always been a healthy weight but whatever) (11/?)

and gaining weight can put back (?) the inner fat layer on the intestine area and make it not squished by the arteries. so hes prescribing me some liquid diet stuff (like protein shakes??) and im supposed to be eating more food during rhe day and more calories ig (12/?)

whiiich is obv a problem for me but im trying. im also supposed to lay in a position on my left side w my left arm up for 15 mins after i eat, ig it opens up the area n makes it easier to digest. idk if its been working bc i have no idea what correct digestion feels like lol 13/?

so yea. gain weight n positions. however, i read that its very rarely that that stuff works, so its very likely that ill have to end up getting surgery, which was tonights freakout reason #2. obv if its gonna help me id want to get surgery (14/?)

but i mean. its still scary. rn thinking about it im like aghhh no bueno but alright. but ik id be freaking TF out when im actually getting it. sounds silly but i think they scariest part is the IV drip for me (veins). i didnt handle getting blood well so (15/?)

how tf am i gonna get IV drips in me especially when the doctors are not gonna be as patient w me as the blood guy bc theyve got a tight schedule. both my parents have gotten surgeries so i asked them n they were like "well yea u feel it in u but its not bad" (16/?)

well ur not fucking STUPID like me are u ??? im gonna freak out n it sucks cuz thats how u get the anesthesia lol ... id just imagine waking up after the procedure and fresking tf out.... (17/?)

but i guess besides that the surgery would be pretty quick and simple, id probably be out of the hospital the day of. maybe a nights stay, but that should be it...still. not pleasant (18/19)

its almost 1am n ive calmed down so im gonna go to sleep now. ill probably really regret this and feel dumb and vulnerable in the morning but whatever. goodnights guys if u even read this far, love u. i hope this thread doesnt spam ur tl (srry if so) (19/19)