did some more research aaaaaand..... i 100% fell into the "online mattress market" trap. purple/nectar/t&n/casper all dominate the online market due to convenience and marketing. online mattress reviews often earn a commission from promoting those brands and it's a huge thing https://twitter.com/Jeopardy408/status/1303460794835718144

in the end, the best way of choosing a mattress was going to a mattress store and trying some out. i first tried a nectar [i'd actually ordered then canceled one shortly after the original thread]. it was really easy to figure out the nectar was just okay compared to others

ended up reading a lot of reddit reviews and comments because most online reviews can be biased or paid for

lots of complaints about companies like nectar changing their build quality over the years, cheaping out, having bad customer service, etc.

[not trying to shit on people with those beds] i think those companies definitely succeeded on the marketing branding and hype and also capitalized on our generation's preferred convenience of ordering things online. and fwiw they aren't *bad beds*

i just think there are definitely better beds in comparable price ranges that you should go out and try at a mattress store to really decide for yourself, even though i'm pretty sure like 90% of my friends have a casper/nectar/purple/t&n

i did some online research to compare prices, read up about different mattress types, decided i didn't want memory foam, wanted to try something softer, so that narrowed the choices down a biiiit

ended up choosing this one https://www.macys.com/shop/product/sealy-posturepedic-chestnut-street-13.5-plush-pillow-top-mattress-queen?ID=10761905

even then, i had some hesitation because most retailers [aside from like, costco and the dominant online mattress brands] have pretty rough return/exchange policies. if i don't like this mattress, i think there's a 20% restocking fee or something, etc., so that's a $ risk i took

maybe i didn't end up with an *optimal* bed but i felt better about weeding out specific mattresses and brands as i tried them. and reviews are often mixed b/c mattresses are like 100% personal preference, and preference isn't obvious until you've slept on one for a while

so uh y e a h that was a bit of a headache of indecision and analysis paralysis for me for a couple of weeks, but i'm excited to try this new one when it arrives in a few weeks :D

to gather some internet opinions i found myself reading slickdeals and /r/mattress a decent amount, which in hindsight was helpful but also may have made me even more indecisive l o l

tl;dr mattresses are personal preference, you should test some out irl