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I *NEED* to know what muppet looks the most like Keith Raniere, an investigative thread.
First consideration: Fozzie Bear
Pros: hirsute
Cons: I don’t think Fozzie likes volleyball. I picture him more at open mic nights. NEXT
Pros: hirsute
Cons: I don’t think Fozzie likes volleyball. I picture him more at open mic nights. NEXT
Second: Beaker
Pro: carved-out mouth; says nothing but makes a lot of noise
Con: I don’t think Beaker faked his credentials ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pro: carved-out mouth; says nothing but makes a lot of noise
Con: I don’t think Beaker faked his credentials ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Next: Kermit
Pro: got that mouth
Con: no fucking way is Kermit *that* self-aggrandizing
Pro: got that mouth
Con: no fucking way is Kermit *that* self-aggrandizing
Now: Rizzo the Rat
Pro: gives you a feeling like “hmmm I don’t know if I want to be alone in a room with him”
Con: idk Rizzo gives me that ‘scoundrel with a heart of gold’ feel
Pro: gives you a feeling like “hmmm I don’t know if I want to be alone in a room with him”
Con: idk Rizzo gives me that ‘scoundrel with a heart of gold’ feel
Rowlf the Dog
Pro: is he REALLY that good at piano?
Con: can’t picture him playing volleyball
Pro: is he REALLY that good at piano?
Con: can’t picture him playing volleyball
Scooter
Pro: Look At Him
Con: backstage manager isn’t really as attention-seeking, but I would keep an eye on him
Pro: Look At Him
Con: backstage manager isn’t really as attention-seeking, but I would keep an eye on him
Gonzo
Pro: male?
Con: no, clearly a better candidate for The Joker tbh
Pro: male?
Con: no, clearly a better candidate for The Joker tbh
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
Pro: Keith isn’t NOT a melon
Con: actual genius, not a sexual predator
Pro: Keith isn’t NOT a melon
Con: actual genius, not a sexual predator
Statler and Waldorf
Pro: EXTREMELY critical
Con: Mark said Keith has like NO male friends so
Pro: EXTREMELY critical
Con: Mark said Keith has like NO male friends so
Swedish Chef:
Pro: the mouth and the facial hair... I mean
Con: Swedes are too nice for this, except the Swedes in Midsommar
Pro: the mouth and the facial hair... I mean
Con: Swedes are too nice for this, except the Swedes in Midsommar
Sam Eagle:
Pro: Keith is kind of monochromatic
Con: I doubt he has any sense of patriotism
Pro: Keith is kind of monochromatic
Con: I doubt he has any sense of patriotism
Walter
Pro: moth
Con: youth
Pro: moth
Con: youth
Crazy Harry
.... .... ....
.... .... ....
Pépé the King Prawn
Pro: would OWN at volleyball
Con: a cult sounds like too much work
Pro: would OWN at volleyball
Con: a cult sounds like too much work
Animal
ANIMAL IS INNOCENT
ANIMAL IS INNOCENT
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
I just don’t buy it. Keith sounds like he’s smoked a lot of weed, but he’s too joyless
I just don’t buy it. Keith sounds like he’s smoked a lot of weed, but he’s too joyless
Lew Zealand
I honestly don’t know this one so there’s a 70% chance that this is the best fit
I honestly don’t know this one so there’s a 70% chance that this is the best fit
Ben Bunny
Nah
But he doesn’t NOT look like him.
Nah
But he doesn’t NOT look like him.
Sweetums
Pro: has the same coloration.
Con: Keith gives me that Short Dude vibe, so
Pro: has the same coloration.
Con: Keith gives me that Short Dude vibe, so
The Newsman
Pro: show me what this guy looks like after a three-year bender
Con: Keith will never get press credentials
Pro: show me what this guy looks like after a three-year bender
Con: Keith will never get press credentials
Okay so it looks like I’m almost out of tweets in this thread (is that a thing????) and I’m very out of wine. But, like, what do YOU think????????
